Crazy Times

I know, its been a while since I've blogged.. just really haven't felt like it.. mainly cuz I've gotten so addicted to Facebook's game Chefville. That's all i think about.. lol.. 

But things are still the same around here. i still don't have a job.. and i really don't want one.. i'm tired of working. and busting my ass for nothing... I've told my roomie that i have put some in, but i lied. i did last week to Payless, but even if i got it , how would i get there? 

But i keep telling myself that i have to get on the ball and really start looking and putting in applications, cuz i know that i can't just sit around here and not work. i need money... 

I got food stamps to feed me, but i need cash! and its getting down to the point that if i can't find a job, i'm going to start stripping... well, that's what Tyrone told me to do.. lol.. and my friend Mike told me that he's going to start a website for me that won't show my face, but i can do things on there, and make some money.. but i told him only if he's in it with me.. lol.. (even though, i'd rather have Tyrone with his sexy self..lol.. ) Oh, and he even changed my name to Roxie, but Tyrone said i should be called Big Juicy... lol.. which i sorta like better.. lol.. 

But i don't think anyone would watch me on line or to strip... i don't see how men do it, or how some say they like big women.. i don't know.. lol.. i guess to each their own.. lol.. but i just can't get myself to do that cuz i would feel bad or my morals would be bad.. lol.. but if it brought in money.. hey... lol.. 

Well, my roomies girlfriend is having another baby... chunk is only 11 months old, and she's 21 and pregnant again.. which i sort of had a inkling that she was, because since she's been here, our periods have been in sync..she would have her's first and i would be on mine a few days later..but recently i just got off mine, and i noticed that there weren't any pads (which she uses) in the garbage.. so i kinda knew then that she might be... 

I just don't see how your that young, and you don't want to do anything with your life but make babies and work at Dunkin Doughnuts?? and this now makes his 11th child! which she thinks is 10 but she don't know about that bow legged crackhead he screwed at the building who is claiming her baby is his and will go after him for child support. 

But she is so young and has her whole life ahead of her, and she just wants to be a baby maker ? and then she was telling me that since he wants to have 2 babies with her, that he's going to stay with her and not be leaving her like how he did his other sons mama.. ummm... he'll do it if he needs to.. cuz dam, he needs to train her in everything.. she can't really cook, (she's getting better), she can't drive, (which she is learning) she don't check his pockets of his clothes when she washes them..(the other day she washed his phone that was in his pockets that she was supposed to check) ...so he has to train her to do all this.. why would you want a girl when you can have a woman that knows how to do things right? she don't even wash their dishes after they eat.. just leaves them in the sink... i don't mind doing them, but dam, at least attempt to do them... 

Don't get me wrong, i do like her alot, she's old enough to be my daughter! but there are some things about her that get to me and that is the majority of it... 

But he really isn't ready for this relationship with her... because he's still sleeping with me. which gets me that i haven't been knocked up by him yet! man! i would love to be  pregnant again, which i know i can't afford it, but i want a boy so bad, and he knocks out boys! he only has like 2 daughters that i know of... but seriously, he really needs to get a vasectomy, but when you mention that to him, he blows a fit.. lol..  

But i am happy for them, even though it might sound like i'm not. as long as i still get my time with him i'm fine.. she will never find out.. and i hate to say it , but i don't feel bad about doing this to her. because i know that he's not ready for no committed relationship... hell, she was telling me that while he was staying at his mother's house for 2 days alone, she seen in his phone that he was texting some other girl to come over to his mom's house....so he's texting and talking to other girls and probably doing more while  he is with her.. but i know that he's not ready for this relationship, so that is why i do it , besides the feelings that i have for him..

 but i hope that she has a girl this time.. he wants another boy... smh... lol

This New Year is going to be a new one for me... i am meaning that i am done with all this junk food that i am eating and i'm going to start going for walks even if its in the snow... because I've been eating like a dam cow lately and i'm feeling it.. walking up my basement stairs and walking to the computer, i get winded. and that's never happened . when i was upstairs with my roomie we were wrestling and i was so winded that i had to stop and he was like "that's cuz your out of shape" and i'm like " i know" but this new year, i'm going to be so strict on myself that its not going to be nice. if i have to walk up and down the stairs to do the exercise..i'm going to do it.. i even looked up on YouTube yoga lessons for beginners to try to lose weight that way.. and i'm going to look up even more tonight... i'm going to look up online about what foods i can and can't eat especially with me being diabetic. cuz I've been feeling pretty bad lately with that. 

So all those dam chocolate chips i bought for cookies and muffins, i either have to make before the end of the year, or give them to somebody.. lol.. but i did promise my roomie's girl some peanut butter cookies.. lol.. 


But otherwise, everything else has been the same.. OH! i had a big surprise the other day on facebook!!! i was on my phone and i seen that this girl named Elena Pravi wanted to be friends with me. so i accepted not thinking anything really of it.. well, she wrote me on there, asking if Peter Prav was my dad and i'm like yea, and asking if we might be related. and she also sent a picture of my dad that is a spitting image of my brother dino! and sure enough, she is my first cousin on my dad's side!!! her son found me on facebook. so now i have another cousin and a nephew, and my uncles and aunt are still alive. unfortunately, my grandfather isn't though. which i knew, cuz its been so many years since we've talked or had any kind of contact. not since my dad died in 91 when my uncles flew my dad down to Greece to be buried. 

So its nice to know that i have another cousin :) she keeps sending me little things in Greek and telling me how happy she is.. which i am too.. :) 

But i'm out.. going to go watch a movie and eat some popcorn...

Laney

things going on.

Sorry that i haven't blogged in a while.. this heat is aweful where my a.c in the living room went out and i have one that i borrowed from my mom in the bedroom and i don't go outside my room unless i have too. so i am now on my daughter's laptop.

Alot of things are still the same. except my daughter is home from school for the summer but she goes back this month on the 25th. and i'm going to miss her, but then i'm kinda glad she's going back. so i can get my house back in order and there won't be any tension or fights between us about Tyrone.

She don't like him being here, and that's putting tension between me and him. And i don't like that. we kinda got into it today when i tried texting him,to see how he was since we haven't talked in 2 days, and he told me that it wasn't a good time.. what? to talk to me? so i got a little mad that he can sit here and talk to all these ugly ass hoes but he can't talk to me? the person who lives with him? he don't spend any time with me, doesn't hardly talk to me, unless he needs something from me, and we don't have sex unless i complain that he's ignoring me. but here all these dirty hoes he has coming over get all his time, and i think one might even be pregnant. don't know if its his, i hope its not, cuz she's one ugly bitch, and he don't need no more kids.. after the 9 he has now, you would figure he would learn to use protection...but he doesn't .then wants to get mad that these females want child support and go after his money...duh...(went alittle off subject there, sorry) but here he wants to get mad that my daughter don't like anyone being in the house, and she fights with me every time she sees anything of his down in the basement or even hears him. i've apologized to him for how she is, but he's mad.

Mainly cuz i think because he can't bring the dog he bought over to the house till after she leaves. even though i don't want a dog in my house, i'm making an exception for him.I always make exceptions for him, but even though he don't need the dog. its gonna be confined up in that small attic with him and his things, but he said he's going to put it in a cage in the basement. and then there's the problems with the fleas we have in the house cuz of the stupid cat. but he thinks the dog wont get them. but i think it will.

But i found out on his facebook page, that he did get the dog, but he just hasn't brought it home here yet.. (i've been being a bad girl and sneaking onto his page cuz i know his password and everything.mainly to be nosey on that ugly girls page who thinks she's his girlfriend.). when he's told her and other girls that he don't want any kinda relationship with anyone.. so she's going to get her feelings hurt somewhere down the line...

But for someone who claims that he's such a "loner" and likes being alone, he has alot of company... he can be such a hypocrite.. and i hate calling him that. but how you going to tell me one thing, and do the opposite? he's had more company here to my house than he did over at the building when he lived there with a mutual guy friend! and then he don't think, these girls can be nasty, sitting their nasty girl parts on my toilet and i don't know what they have..seriously.. and then he lets them take showers...that's more dna down on my stuff..and then the one hillbilly girl he has coming to my house is going thru my things using my tampons! how you going to come to some other females house and use her things?? made me wonder who's stuff she used when she took a shower here....but see, he's so self centered, that he don't think of that stuff. and i've brought it up to him about these girls using my things, and he tells me that their not coming back and they did... and then the hillbilly one smoked in my bathroom while she was using it... i was pissed. and i bitched at him... he don't think...

So i think i'm done sleeping with him... even though he should be more with me since he hasn't paid me shit for rent...at least that would make up and show some appreciation for him staying here... but i'm kinda scared now to touch him, cuz i don't know where his dick has been.. even though he claims he's not sleeping with any of them... yea, okay...but let me stop complainin about him...

Work has been hell... literally... its so hot in that freaking building and i do have a fan, but it don't do any good... the tenants have been okay. and there is some trouble going on, that the boss lady wants to seem to blame on me on why i'm never around when things happen, but she don't think that the tenants are not going to do things when i'm around... but yet i'm supposed to be there... i'm really beginning to hate that place... i love the tenants and the kids, but i need a change. i'm getting bored doing the same thing over and over again. and then the tenants want to run over me and not listen to what i tell them.. and then get mad when i have to write them up... smh.. i don't know.. i just need to get out of the security profession... but i don't know what to do with myself.. and then with how my legs and feet have been, i can't seem to be on my feet for that long anymore... i got a bump on my foot on the heel, and it hurts like a sum ma ma bitch when i flex it to walk.. so i'm limping all the time now. but i need a change..

But i don't know. i hope that something changes for me soon, cuz something has got to give... very fast.

goodnight..

Laney

Things going on

Man it's been a bad few weeks. I've been sick, my daughter is home from school and driving me nuts. And now the person who I called my step dad is stalking my house.
Yesterday my daughter came home from the grocery store saying that he was sitting on the corner of Speedway. So I go and look and sure enough he was sitting out there. I figured he was waiting till I left for work so that he can come on my property and get his mail. Cuz I told him that I didn't want him on my property anymore. So after I got dressed I went across to speedway and threw his mail at him and told him to stop watching my house and that next time im going to call the police. And he had the nerve to tell me that I got to be nicer.

Ummmm... What?

So I snapped. I told him i got to be nicer when he's the one who stole everything from me every chance he got? So he denied it and blamed it on Robbie so I told him to fuck off and that I hope he dies tommorrow, God forgive me, and then called him an asshole and walked off. He still doesn't get or figure out that I found my stuff in his shit when I was cleaning. He doesn't realize that. And you would figure a thief would. That they've been caught. But he don't. And that just makes him a stupid fuck.
But he claimed that he was waiting for a ride that didnt pick him up till 8pm. He had no business being around my house like that. But it was creeping me and my girl out. But next time im going to call the police.
My daughter now is driving me nuts. She dont do anything around the house. Don't clean up after herself and we've just been fighting like crazy. I don't know what it is. But she needs to find a job soon. And she has put in apps but they haven't called her back and she hasn't called them back to check. So she's been laying around with her boyfriend not doing anything.
My sex life is still non existant. I cant even get any from tai cuz he's trying to so call be good but has all these females up there. So he cant say hes not getting any if they staying up there for the night. And I swear I heard the bathroom ceiling creaking one time. And boy did that piss me off. Cuz here you telling me I need to be good and you still getting it from these ugly ass hoes? And im doing everything for him? Pffft...
So here I am drooling after every peice of guy meat cuz im horny as a motha fucka, and cant get any. I sucked a guy off the other night at work (yea,i know I was a bad girl) but I didnt get no dick like I needed. Its like when I dont want any dick the guys wont leave me alone. But when I want it the.guys aint no where to be found. And shoot, I cant do it on my own cuz I burnt the motors out on both my freaking vibrators. So I need new ones.

So I dont know. I think im going to start abusing my friend Fred. Lol start calling him more on my days off and getting some from him. Hes pretty good. And he eats cooch. Lol

But gotta go...

Laney

What a day

Today was a pretty good day. Except for all the heat that we are now getting. It's going to be a killer this summer. And even though it was hot we did get a thunderstorm today.

Work is still the same....boring. We have some stuff that happens but it's only every once in a while.

My sex life is completely dead now.I'm dying cuz I need some but I'm on my freaking period. So I have to wait to attack ty lol or any one else
But I guess I'm going to have to.*sigh*
Ohhhhh well.....

Gotta get in the shower

Laters,
Laney

This April sucks..

I don't think this year is going to be any good at all. because the beginning of it really sucks...

Going thru the trouble and drama of finally getting my step dad out of my house, and having him come get his 2 boxes of belongings out of it is taking forever.. i threw out everything else of his. my porch and front closet are finally empty of his things.. now all i have to do is pull up the rugs, wash the walls, and windows, and hopefully i'll be done...

But i now have a freaking head and chest cold that decided to visit me.

The beginning of April was bad, because a friend of mine from school got raped and murdered in Gary Indiana. it was all over the news and everything. and thank GOD they found her murderer.. she was a very nice and caring woman, who was being nice and gave this man a ride home, and that's how he repaid her... the fucking monster... so I've been sad about her being gone... .

So every once in a while, i will go onto

her Face book page and tell her hello,

and that i miss her. she was a very trusting, and good soul. and i can't believe that she is gone. So its been hard trying to deal with this.

Work

Being at work is starting to get hard every day.. alot of b.s. going on and i seem to be the one to get the blame for it. i don't know if they think just because i'm security that i can be every where at once and that i'm supposed to catch everything ... i do my best to try to catch everything i can... today was a hot mess , i'm sick as hell, and then some of the kids in the building wanted to start a fight with a grown adult female across the street from the building and it was just loud and dramatic over a Facebook page that this adults daughter made of the girl in the building and starting trouble with all the kids in school and everything.. but it didn't help either that another friend of mine passed away last night.

Elaine used to be a tenant in the building and her and her husband were very good to me when i first started working there. she would always come talk to me, and bring me pops, and when we really started getting to know each other, she would bring me down plates of food. lol.. and then me and her husband are real close friends. When ever Elaine would go into the hospital, and i would ask about her, she would come home from the hospital with a gift for me, for just asking about her. and i would get Christmas gifts from them, and i would get them a gift. she was a very warm and caring person, and a very sweet friend to me, even when she knew how i liked her husband a little more than just friends. but nothing ever happened between us, because of my love for Elaine. I've gotten to know her children and grandchildren too..

Here Elaine is on the right and her daughter Tina is on the left of her. Elaine was a very beautiful woman inside and out. she was in the hospital the past couple of days and they were trying to find out what was wrong with her, but we won't know how she passed until the autopsy. But may she REST IN PEACE and we now have a beautiful angel in Heaven looking over us now. She is in no more pain...

But other than that, everything has been going okay ... me and my friend are still co habituating.. its like he's not even here. .. he comes home, goes straight upstairs to the attic where he moved his stuff, and just chills up there... sometimes i feel like i'm being ignored, and like now when i can really use him to talk too, so i can get some kinda comfort, he's upstairs i think with some female company.. some chick that he met somewhere...but she was here last night, and i don't know...

everyone else thinks its wrong that he brings other females up to my house... but i don't think i have a right to say anything to him since he is paying me a little something here and there. yea, we do have sex every once in a while, and i'm trying to tell myself that he's not having sex with them, but the other day, Wednesday, he said that he used to be a player and that he's trying not to get back into his "old ways" but by the look of how he's going, it looks like he is.. he told me the other day, that he met 5 females in one day.. one while he was driving next to her on the street!! that's crazy...

And then i don't know if he realizes that it kinda hurts me when he tells me about these chicks, because he knows how i feel about him, but he don't think it will work out because he thinks it will "ruin our friendship" .. but i do almost everything for him like we were in a relationship.. i cook on my days off for me and him, i clean the house more because of him, i do his laundry, and if he needs anything else, i get it for him... so how would us being together "ruin our friendship" but even his mother told me not to fall in love with him and told me some stuff and he also did that kinda turned me off from wanting a relationship with him.. ... then plus, he's stuck on dumb-ass with his baby's momma.. .that's all he talks about... like he's totally obsessed with her.. mad about how she did him.. which i can't blame him for being mad cuz she did and still is doing him wrong..

But i don't know.. i'm just feeling a little ignored by him that's all.. and not because of the sex, but just that he don't talk to me . here I've been sick (he doesn't know that i'm depressed cuz he doesn't know about Elaine yet) and he hasn't texted me or anything to see how I've been.. i don't know if its cuz he's so self centered or what... . i don't know...

I finally after a few years, met up Tuesday night with this guy named Fred. We met online on this bootycall site i think. and we've texted each other about getting together and stuff, but everything that was going on with my step dad and with work and other things, I've been pushing him off.... so i finally decided that i can't be doing that anymore... and i don't know if its because I've been scared to just meet new people. i don't feel like wanting to tell them about myself, or how i like things done sexually and everything and have to learn what he likes that was stopping me or what.. or me just wanting to be with the same people that i have been with... i don't know...

So everything went okay.. we went to a hotel and fucked our brains out.. plain and simple.. it was okay.. the only think i hated was that he was uncircumcised. those dicks freak me out.. toooo much excess skin... and then its just weird looking... but otherwise, he's a very handsome man, and very " worldly" because he's a musician and a music teacher. and he's in like 5 bands that do travel all over the world.. i'm going to see and try to get him to take me on a cruise.. lol.. yea right... ( a girl can dream)

Well, talking about dreaming... i'm drugged up on Nyquil, and i need to get to bed...

talk to you all laters..

Laney.

My Birthday

Well, today is my birthday..

I'm 39 years old... i feel so old... my mind doesn't actually.. in my mind i still feel like I'm 24 years old.. but my body is feeling it with me getting old.. my legs don't want to work anymore... or my back... I'm walking so slow cuz my legs hurt all the time... but i try not to think about it.

I'm just getting better.. :)

But today is just a regular day... i have to work today. and i hope that the building is nice and quiet today too.

My days off, i actually cleaned the house... Tuesday i picked up the yard. all the garbage that flew into my lawn, or was thrown back there, i had to clean. so my friend Tai who is living with me, he raked it all into piles and i picked it up.. which i blew a little fit about because he knows i can't bend over like that.. lol. i told him that he just likes to see me bend over.. he likes all of my big ass.. lol..

But i got that done and over with and now i got to call the city inspector tomorrow so that she can come and take a look at it so that i don't have to go to court for it. cuz i got a citation on it.. but I've worked with her before and she was pretty cool about it. :)

So i did that on Tuesday, and on Wednesday i finally got into that front closet and threw away all of my step dad's other stuff. my daughter's boyfriend came over and helped me do it so it went alot faster . but we found some more jewelry and my grandmother's box of silverware that she had forever that he swore was his.. and i had found some of my cd's wrapped up in his shirts that he was going to steal. so i took them back.

but now all his stuff is gone and out of my house, except for stuff that is now in my basement that i will be going thru maybe next weekend when I'm off, so that i can get all and everything of his out of my house. i have to call him to tell him to get his one box of shit that he wanted by next week too, or its going out in the trash..

Everything that he did to me, i don't care if he wants his stuff or if i throw it out,.. he stole from me for the 3 years that he was here, and didn't give a crap what he was doing...

But I'm procrastinating on calling him cuz i know that we will be fighting and i don't want to fight with him. i don't feel like it. cuz i know I'm going to curse him out and be done with him... and i don't feel like getting myself all worked up over his no good self..

My daughter comes home in May from college. and I'm going to be so glad to see her. but she's going to be giving me hell cuz she doesn't want Tai here, and i do. .he's such a wonderful man. he's my best friend, and he helps me so much around here at the house, and talking to him and just looking at him makes me feel so calm and collected. He makes me be at peace with things.
and he says that i do the same for him too.. i joke with him and tell him we should get married. lol.. but he says that he doesn't think that he will get married. he's just so stuck in the past with his baby's mama. and can't get out of it... but that's a whole other blog.. lol..

But I'm just glad that he's here, and that we're friends (and a little bit more.. ) and then too, he watches out for my house when I'm at work.. he works during the day, and i work at night. so its a good thing... and then i don't trust my house here empty cause i don't know if my step dad will try to do anything to my house, or have his little boyfriends do something to it.

But oh well... i know its protected now with him being here. ..

But i think I'm going to go to bed now, cuz i have to get up early and do my laundry for work tomorrow...

But talk to you laters...

Laney

ungrateful step dad

Today

Today was going all good and dandy... because i was happy that my daughter was coming back for Spring Break, and i was finally able to see her after 2 months. work was okay..was boring like usual lately, which is good, better than it being popping and trouble going around...

But my friend who moved in with me got mad at me cuz i didn't let him know that my daughter was home. and i really meant too, but i was talking to a tenant and forgot. so he's talking about going to sleep in the basement where its a filthy mess. and i don't want him to do that. but he thinks I'm making excuses. when I'm not. i really do like him and i don't want him down there, its bad enough that he's sleeping on my bedroom floor.

I've been cleaning my house this past two off days so that it can be clean for him and for myself. but i just want him to be up here with me.

And then i got into it with my daughter again about him. i don't know.. its just not going good today...

Then before she went to her boyfriends house, they went across the street to Speedway and got me some nachos and i broke my temporary crown on my molar. and now i don't know what to do...

I don't have any insurance at all or the money to go to the dentist to get another one. when i got this temporary crown, i had insurance and was working at the casino. but the insurance wouldn't pay for the permanent crown for some reason.. so now i think I'm going to go and ask them to just pull the tooth completely out and be just have a hole there... but the darn cap is sharp and its scratching my tongue.. and I'm afraid its going to start hurting . and i can't handle tooth pain. i think that's worse then menstrual cramps.

I don't know... is this God's way of punishing me? i don't think I've done anything wrong.. I'm trying to be good and do good by him and all...but i eat one nacho chip that wasn't even that hard, they were soft, cuz i just ate them after i got out the shower, and my tooth cracks... and then i feel sick to my stomach that i swallowed the piece.

And that i can feel the rotted tooth... that's grossing me out more than ever..

i just want to cry... badly.. but i don't want my friend seeing me cry again. because it bugs him..

i think i might be starting my period soon cuz I'm usually not this emotional about stuff.

i should be happy today because of my daughter being home, but I'm not... I'm sad.. and i can't help it..

shit..


laney

Family

You know, sometimes i think that family can screw you more than your friends can. My family is so messed up probably just like any other family that is out there, but mine can be unbearable sometimes...

This afternoon, i get a phone call from my step dad that just moved out 2 days ago, asking if he can come back because he can't stand it there already. AFTER 2 DAYS...

2 DAYS ......

He told me that he had talked to Social Security and that he would all of a sudden be getting his money soon, and that he would start paying me 200 bucks for the "only 2 months" that he would come back for till he got into the assisted living ...that he all of a sudden got approved for...

So i told him no...NO... NO... i can't do it.. once he got his foot back in the door of my house, he wouldn't leave back out of it again... and he knows it and thinks i'm stupid to fall for it... and i'm not...

So i told him that i can't because i'm going to be helping a friend of mine who needs a place to stay... so he goes..." oh, i see. okay, i guess i'm on my own.. i'll just slit my throat... then tells me that he's coming for his stuff still and then hangs up on me..

which everyone in my family and him know that if you want to really piss me off ....

Hang up on me...

That for some reason infuriates me...

So today i went and paid my phone bill and why did it take me a minute to decide if i wanted to disconnect his phone service that i'm paying for?

But i decided to be the bigger person and give him the few weeks that i told him i'd keep it on before i did shut it off..

But he actually got mad at me for saying NO, that i don't want him back here anymore... i couldn't believe that!!! after all the things he put me and my daughter thru the 3 years he was here...

all the kids in and out my house,
his no good son staying at my house,
my house getting raided,
my movies and my money getting stolen,
my daughters things and camera getting stolen,
all my electronical things broken,
garbage from out in the alley that others throw out, he deems there okay, and brings them here in my house....
him not contributing to anything....

But he's going to give me 200 dollars all of a sudden to come back and live here... yea, okay.. i'm re tar did...

If he's telling the truth, yea, i could have used the money... but i'd rather have my peace and sense of MIND. of not worrying about who is all up in my house, going thru my things and eating up everything... nope can't do it...

And then he thinks that if he pulls a guilt trip and says that he's going to kill himself that i'm going to fall for it and let him come back ... no way.. and that's such a dirty scandalous thing to do to some one your supposed to "love" .. but i didn't fall for it, he's pulled that on all of us and he never did it...

Then when i told my mother and sister that i let my friend move in with me they didn't blow a fit, but they always think that my friends are going to take advantage of me, and use me. and my friend isn't like that.. he's a very quiet, private person. and i know i don't have to worry about him going thru my things stealing my stuff...

But because of my past and letting all these supposed men live with me, and they did all that bad stuff, they think that he is.. and i know he's not..

So then i told my daughter, and she blew up at me. which i understand her side of it, but because of what i put her thru when she was little she doesn't believe that he's different...

And then too, we've never had the house to our selves since i've bought it because of me letting others stay with me...

But she has to realize and the same with my mom and sister... i'm the one who pays the bills here... not them... so i have the ultimate decisions on who and who can't stay with me... not them... and then my daughter is off at college now... living in a dorm with 3 other people...

While I'm here at home all alone with my cat...

And its not that i'm scared to be here by myself, i'm not.. but it gets lonely..my cat don't talk back to me when i talk to him.. he just meows.. lol.. but i need the companionship... and my friend will give that to me.. and then i really, really , do like him.. ALOT....

But him being here isn't like that.. i wish it was.. but right now he has other things in his life that are more important to him than a relationship and i understand that..

So my day was kinda depressing today....

But in other things... my other friend who happens to be married, was supposed to come chill with me Friday night... finally for the first time in the 2 1/2 years that we have known each other...

So he comes and picks me up from work that night, and then tells me that he can drop me off but he can't stay, that he will come back because his wife got out the hospital that night and he had to go back to check on her , but that he'd be back...

So that pissed me off, because not once during the whole time that we were texting each other that night did he mention to me that she was in there. otherwise i would have told him not to even bother..because i knew it wasn't going to go thru then...

So he's i'll text you in 20 minutes ... and i didn't get a text at all... which i knew he wouldn't ...

So he texts me the next morning saying that he's sorry and that he'll make it up to me, and that wifey didn't want him to go back out again...so i understood all that but it just let me down, cuz i was looking forward to us just sitting and relaxing and watching a movie...

But oh well... maybe one day it will happen...

Well, let me get off here and get my butt to bed...

Its been a long night.. i'm tired.. and exhausted..

And this time change is killing me... i need my hour back.. lol


Laney

FINALLY

I don't know what to do with myself...

I can't hold my excitement any longer.. lol.. he,meaning my step dad is finally out of my house!!!! I told him in late December that he had to leave and he was procrastinating and saying that all the assisted living places had a waiting list, which they could have, i never checked to see if he was lying or not, but he finally left today and is moving in with his "son" Rob.. the one who used to live with us here and steal from me and him..

But Rob and his girlfriend got a trailer out in Portage so they have a room for him there.. THANK YOU JESUS!!! its not his first place of choice, but they were the only friends of his that offered to take him... all his friends that he supposedly did everything for and helped, weren't there for him when he needed it.. but his thieving son...

But he also told Rob that if anything of his comes up missing, meaning his prescription pills that he's going to leave... not back here... but somewhere...

And i hate being so happy that he's gone, but he's put me thru so much the 3 years i had him here it ain't funny...

I've had little 15 and 16 year olds running all thru my house, my house was raided by the police and my daughter and her boyfriend frisked because of one of his little boyfriends robbing a house and running into my house, (cuz my dad would leave the basement door unlocked for him) these same little boyfriends would sit up on my porch and drink and smoke pot everyday, ditch school and come here,...I've had food hoarded by him , all my dish towels are in all of my drawers that i have in my kitchen, some also in the bathroom drawers.., my good towels have been bleached and discolored, anything electronic i have is screwed because of him... lets see, what else? he stopped helping me with the only thing he was helping with was food... he was getting stamps, and he missed a call and got cut off last summer, then was saying he was waiting for an appeal , but all he had to do was go put in a new application... and he never did. so that was a new bill i had to start paying for, and then when i did start bringing in the food, him or his boyfriends were eating up all of it... my cereal that he never ate , was disappearing.... my burritos gone... everything... my cookies that i bought, he had half of it gone in two day! he NEVER ate cookies like that.... so i know he was feeding his little boyfriends all of my stuff while i was at work..

AND DON'T GET ME STARTED AGAIN, ON WHAT HE DID TO MY VEHICLE THAT I BOUGHT LAST SUMMER... THAT IS A TOTAL RANT THAT I DON'T WANT TO GET INTO.. CUZ I'M TOOO HAPPY!!!

So now i can look forward to not having to smell smoke every time that inside door opens, no 16 year old kids coming to my house, i can walk around naked any time i want now... i don't have to lock my bedroom door anymore, i don't have to worry about my movies coming up missing, i can leave money out on my dining room table and not worry about it walking away, i can now leave my digital camera out, and my webcam without it coming up missing, i don't have to buy coffee anymore for him, i don't have to buy a gazillion bags of sugar for him.. i don't have to smell his foulness from the bathroom anymore or make sure that we have milk every 2 days cuz he goes thru it like crazy...

Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh.... me time.....

Yea, i admit... its going to be real lonely for me... and its getting me scared. cuz the 5 years that i've had my house, i've never been alone in it by myself for long... but now that my daughter is in college and he's gone, its just going to be me... ME , ME , ME... .. LOL.. oh, and my hercules...i think he's going to miss him too... and he's going to be lonely when I'm at work .. but he will deal with it... so now i just got to get used to being here all by myself, and try not to get scared...lol..

I've also hoping too now that his little boyfriends know that he's gone, that they won't try to do something to my house while I'm away at work. because i never did trust them little butt holes.... but if something does happen then i know it was them. but i will be making sure that all my doors are locked and dead bolted while i am away. and my next check i will be getting new locks for my doors. i have to have someone fix my door knob on my front door . the knob is loose, but if its tightened it don't want to turn or lock... so i have to have someone come fix it right...

I can now take the password protection off my account for my computer and delete the guest account... see? little things like this that i had to do because he would get into stuff and screw things around...

But on to other things.....

I was talking to a friend of mine who's cousin used to live with me and i was messing around with for 9 years and loved him, well, he went crazy over my ex friend and she had a baby and everything by him and he's a worthless piece of crap... well, come to find out he really did her over... hahahahahahaahaaaa!!!!

That he still doesn't have a job, just sitting around smoking weed and playing video games, and now she don't have a job either!!!!! hahahahahaaa!!! she's now living off unemployment and he's living off her... i guess her car was messing up and her job got moved to somewhere in Illinois, and she doesn't do highways, so he was taking her back and forth to work and having the car all the time, so she lost her job worrying about where he was all the time.. calling off and everything so that she can be all up underneath him ... and i know what he was doing cuz he did it to me.. he was seeing all these other females that he'd meet online... but she was getting paid some good money and she lost it due to him... she also got pregnant again.. .. but she got an abortion.. which i never thought she would do, but it had to be from him telling her too, cuz he never wanted the first one by her... and she also blew up! got fatter than she was!!!! hahahahahahaaaa!!!! so Thank You, ex friend for taking my spot... lol.. because that's what i was doing, letting him smoke, and play video games, letting him take me back and forth to work, paying for things for him... and now she has all that now...

What goes around , comes around and GOD does not like ugly!!!!! but that made my day when my friend told me that... lol.. because I'm not stuck with his butt and all that bull crap...

So Wednesday was lent...what did everyone give up? me, i gave up fast food, candy, and pop... (which i have already before lent) and i think I'm going to give up sex too, since I'm not getting any now... lol.. but that don't mean that if a man would come to me wanting some, that i wouldn't give it to him, because i need it badly... lol..

But gotta go now... gotta go back to bed... lol.. get a nap in before work...


oh.... i got to go to the bathroom with the door open!!!!! i know tmi , but its one of those things that i missed doing... hahahahaha!!!

I'm out!!!!

Laney

Today

Well, today was a pretty good day...

I was a little irritated again, due to my stank ass sister wanting to have an attitude because i didn't call her before i got dressed for work so that she would have been on her way to come get me... she wouldn't have been ready anyways...

It really sucks depending on someone else to have to take you back and forth places because of not having a vehicle. And i want to get another one, but not at this time because of my step dad still being here and he will think he's going to drive again. So i have been waiting on getting another vehicle. And its not like i can get one now anyways, because my license is still suspended and the major reason is that i don't have any money saved up for one.. this check i get is barely paying the bills i have now...

But otherwise, besides that today was a good day. Work was okay.. all the tenants wanted to wait till today to do their dam laundry. I had 3 of them text me before i even got to work about letting them know when i get to the building so that they can be the first one in there.. lol.. so the very first person who texted me is the one i let in there first and it took her 4 hours to do her laundry! and then the other 2 after her decided to wait to do theirs so i just let the others who were waiting for a washer do theirs.. it was crazy..

So then this guy who comes in to the building named Slim came and talked with me, and we've been flirting and talking since Summer of last year, about hooking up and everything. and he's a good guy and everything, but he's a drug dealer.. was in prison for 7 years (and i know your saying to yourself " how can he be a good guy but he's a drug dealer and was in prison", how i see it is you have to do what you have to do to get money out in this economy that won't hire anyone, and have no jobs hiring, he's doing what he has to do..) but like i said, he's actually a very nice , smart guy.. and very good looking to top that.. lol..

But we were talking about getting together tonight and i told him that he needs to just come over to my house, because with it being my job i can't do anything there.. (which i have done something there before and made me very nervous and paranoid) but he talked me into it, so i put my table up and went into the break room and we were messing around. And all the while we were, i was so nervous and making excuses to stop because i kept hearing people talking in the hallway out there, and then i thought i heard keys by the door, and so it wasn't as good as it could have been if we had just waited. So after i heard the keys i got so nervous that we both didn't get to finish... so it could have been better.

But he's paranoid about coming out here to the town I'm at because the police mess with black guys for no reason he says. but i told him if you drive the speed limit and play it safe, everything will be okay. they won't bother you unless you give them cause to.. so i don't know..

But now I'm over thinking it and wondering if he was okay with it, because he did say that we would do it again, but then i don't want to do it in the break room again. because the break room was nasty... i was irked that i was bent over in the kitchen with my hands on the nasty floor with the roaches...so i really couldn't enjoy myself... lol..

And then another thing that has me worried is that he's going to go tell his guy friends that are in the building. he says that he won't. but i know that he will tell one guy. because he told me already that he's got this other guy named Mike touching me and trying to get with me (which we have before, and he sucked, but he also plays to many mind games with me. ) and that they want to do a 3 some with me, but i don't want to do it with Mike because i know how its going to be with him.. i just want to do it with Slim.

And then lately with how much I've been thinking about sex a lot because i haven't been getting any like i was, i was starting to go nuts and that is one reason why i gave in and had it with him. but then i was starting to think about not just giving it up to just anyone like that anymore, and try to be good and hold out. but I'm so weak willed. *sigh*

I've also been wanting to read my bible more and try to change my ways and live by the book. but i see right now that its going to be hard for me to do that. Especially when I'm so sex crazed. that's all i think about.. lol.. and I've been trying not too but its so hard for me. to go from getting it every day to down to nothing or once a month or more, its hard... my friend Ty is trying to talk to me about the bible and get me to read it more and change my ways. and i want to too. but i just don't understand it. I'm stupid when it comes to the Bible. i don't know...


But all in all it was a very productive day today.. lol..

And i swear people think its funny when i tell them that my body is cock blocking me... because afterwards, i went to clean myself up and i was spotting. .. O.O

I was pissed.

I know its going to be around that time for me to start my period, but it won't come down. my legs have been tense and hurting lately, but nothing has been coming down..

And after all that bending over I'm surprised my back isn't hurting... and one good thing, my legs aren't hurting anymore.. :) lol..

But I'm out!!!

Laney

Confusing Day

Today started off to be an okay day. I got up and got ready to go to work, but i was still really tired today that made me a little irritated for some reason and i don't know for what...
but it didn't help it much either when one of the maintenance so called bosses wanted to come and tell me how to do my job. On why i didn't have an ex tenant sign in. I almost snapped on him for it too.. i don't tell him how to do his job so he shouldn't tell me how to do mine. I know the ex tenant isn't going to do anything to the building and i already knew where she was going too. so he could kiss my ass.....

Other wise it was a very uneventful day until i got a phone call around 9pm from my friend Mo... and he really had me confused... telling me that he finally seen it from my point of view on how i felt when we were messing around and how i was almost "stalkerish" to the point of coming to be with him every Tuesday and Friday nights. that how i went from seeing him to back to nothing that he finally gets it.. and so he shocked me and apologized to me for not seeing it in my point of view at the time.

But what i don't understand was where it was all coming from. Part of me thinks its because he's not getting it anymore either and he's missing it. and he also went and told me that, that year was the best he's ever had. because he was getting it all the time and now he's not. and i think that is why he was telling me,because he's not getting it anymore...

But i told him that i would still be out to see him if it wasn't for me not having a car. and he also doesn't have a car either. but that is the only reason why i stopped really. because i really do still care for him a lot and would be with him in a heartbeat... even after everything that happened.

So that had me messed up for a little bit.. but i don't know....he's such a complex man.. he's a Scorpio, and in my findings of hanging around them and being with them, they are so hard headed and complex. their thinking is kind of weird... lol.. i got another friend who is a Scorpio and he's a little odd.. fine as hell, but his thinking is odd.. and he's kinda self centered.. lol..

But lately all I've been thinking about is sex... i haven't had any in about 5 months and its killing me... i had an opportunity to get some this past Tuesday and i turned it down for some reason. the guy is nice looking, has a big dick, nice body, a job, is willing to come get me, and we've been talking for over a year by texting only, but i don't know what's stopping me from getting together with him. My daughter thinks i have anxiety problems.. a phobia or something when i have to go out in public or go anywhere out of the house.. my stomach will start hurting and i wind up in the bathroom for hours ... so i think that is part of it too... but i know mainly its me being nervous of having a sexual encounter with someone new.. learning how he likes to do things and teaching him how i like things done.. so i told him that we can get together this coming up Tuesday if he wanted too, and of course he said yes... lol..

But i just got in this rut that i just want to be with a certain someone and just him. not with anyone and everyone... and i can't believe i just said that because that's how i used to be when i was in my 20's ... and didn't care as long as it was protected... and i keep telling myself that i have to get back to that way again, but then i can't. i just keep thinking that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life and i don't want that...


But i don't know.... lol... work has been slow and boring.. its been really quiet. which is good, but not as quiet as it is.... lol.. i need some excitement .. lol...

But i think I'm going to get off here and go to bed... I'm tired..

I'm out!

Laney

Sorry its been so long...

First i want to apologize for it being so long since I've blogged. that is one thing that i have wanted to do as a New Years Resolution, is to blog more... But lately I've been busy with work again, and things here at home..

Work....

Work has been the same... boring same ole same ole... the one thing that i have noticed though is a lot, and i mean A LOT of the tenants and the men that come into the building (who don't seem to be crackheads that is,) have been hitting on me a lot.

But the only problem with that, is that the tenants have girlfriends that they are living with, and their down stairs trying to get in my pants. and then don't want to understand that i can't do anything with them, cuz i love their girl and their babies..and I'm not going to be the one to hurt them like that.. but they still insist on it.. touching up on me and trying to get me into the break room or on the stairs.. like I'm going to do that..

Had one guy come in after Christmas, and ask me for my number, and i told him that i would just take his, and I'll text him.. but then he asked for mine since he was down there, and for some reason he seemed clean and okay, so i gave it to him...

He wanted to hang out that same night, but i was like nah, i want to get to know him better on the phone, but he was persistent, and we hung out that Monday night.. so we were talking and everything, and we messed around a little bit, and come to find out he's a dog like all the other men around here.. I've been texting him, and texting him, and no answer.. when i finally told him that i was going to leave him alone cuz I'm bothering him, that's when he answered me.. but now I'll text him and just say hi, and now i don't get no response, so i stopped texting him..

I've just got to admit to myself that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life and stop trying to look for some man to be with... cuz its not going to happen...

My daughter is now a full fledged college student at Indiana University South East... she went all the way down south to get away from the asshole of my step dad. she's 15 minutes away from Louisville Kentucky.. she's majoring in fine arts.. the college is beautiful and its huge...its a community college. so the people who live around it also get to go to it. but she got blessed to get a dorm there. so she stays in a dorm with 3 other girls, and is doing pretty good.

But i miss my baby so much.. she's never been this far away from me, for this long. and it hurts my heart that she's that far. i didn't want to let her go when we dropped her off for school. i kept on hugging her and kissing her, almost started crying, but it was so had for me. .. but she's coming home this weekend cuz she's lonely and missing me and her friends.

But i finally told my dad that he has to find assisted living. cuz i can't deal with him anymore. or his little friends coming in and out of my house all the time, after i told him that i don't want them here anymore... and he just doesn't listen... so i told him that he has to go.. so now he's prolonging it , to where he's going to make me snap on him to get him out, but now he's playing sick again but don't want to go to the hospital. he's not contributing anything anymore , no food stamps nothing.. so now i got to buy food again, and he's eating it up and feeding his friends. i bought 4 boxes of cereal Tuesday when i went shopping, and there all gone now and its not from him eating it himself cuz he don't eat cereal like that.. and then plus, he don't have teeth to eat them with unless he lets it sit there and soak till they get soft..

But i don't know.. the faster he's out, i can have my house to myself and be stress free and smoke free... I'll have a lot of cleaning to do, with all his garbage and shit that's up in the attic, basement and front closet, but if i have to pay someone to help me get it out, I'll do it..

So I'm going to now try to blog more often cuz i do have a lot more on my mind that i have to get out, cuz I've been stressing a lot lately about things...

So I'll be back..... lol..

Laters..

Laney

Today

Well, sorry that i haven't blogged in a while like i've been wanting too... just the usual shit going on that keeps me busy... work, sleep, home... same shit....

Today i got into it with my step dad about my truck again. and he swears that he's going to move out again. and this time i'm going to tell him he has till the end of September. and then he has to be out, and his phone will be shut off...

After i told him that i didn't want my truck touched by him, he went and moved it so that he can move this other car into the back that he's supposedly "fixing" but he's fucking it up even more. and him moving the truck when it was on two rims, and no gas... but he don't listen to a word i say, and to top it off he had his little boyfriends dog in the front seat! and i told him that i didn't want any fucking dogs in there. so he blew a hissy fit like usual and now we're not talking. and when i got home tonight he had another friend over who he calls his son.. robbie.. the last time he was here he supposedly stole his pain pills and he wasn't ever going to talk to him again, and now he's here... knowing i don't want him in my house either... but its okay...

Cuz i'm going to blow it all up for him... telling me i treat him like a 6 year old, i'm going to really start treating him like one.. i'm going to take my car key away from him tomorrow, tell him he needs to go by the end of the month, and anyone who i don't want in my house and is here, i'm going to blow a fit....

his friend ki ki who is only 15 , i'm going to call the parole officer and get his ass in trouble, and the school board cuz he's ditching school and coming here, and i'm done with all of it....

Tonight at work, someone got shot.... right after i left .... THANK YOU GOD! one of the tenants was throwing a little " get together" for her cousin who's birthday was today, and her apartment was to small so she asked the one tenant to throw it in her place.. she has a 2 bedroom apartment and had 20 people up in there... that's 20 friends who didn't live there, and then more who are tenants that went up to party...

well, one of the tenants that was there partying, shot one of the outside guests... but my phone has been blowing up all night about it... and it happened right after i left... but i had written down in my report about the get together, and about the loud music, and even talked to the tenant and she was trying to say that they all didn't come up there , and that she was going to get everyone to go, but no one left out....

Then a guest of the tenants came down to talk to me and tell me that he kicked out alot and i'm like you did huh? but no one came out these two doors....so they was on some bullshit....

So the bullshit got them back....

So here the tenant that shot the guy is now in jail, the tenants that all were in there partying were all questioned and alot of people now are going to be evicted for a stupid act that this tenant did... a 30 something year old man, hanging with a bunch of 20 something year old kids..... and over some bull shit.....

Oh man.... its time to look for a new job.. seriously....

And the love life still is nothing... but oh well.... not really worried about that right now....


But talk to you all laters ,

I'm tired...

Laney

It's been a while

I know its been a while since I've blogged.. a lot of stuff has been going on with me with work, and stuff here at home... just been busy with that and just been sleeping...

Home......

Things here at home have been kinda hectic... my dad is more of a pain in the ass then ever... he's bitching about everything and anything, and its so annoying.. there are so many times i want to tell him to shut the fuck up already but i can't get myself to do that, cuz then he'll stomp around like a big ass baby and pout...

Its bad enough he irritates me already...he's dying.. like he always is.. but this time its for real... he had to have stints put up in him for his heart, and his body rejects foreign stuff in his body, and the doctors put that up in him and so he don't have that much time to go.... so i'm expecting to come home one day from work and find him dead on the porch... seriously...

Cuz with this heat and he only has a fan and the windows open, he ain't doing so good. and my air conditioner needs freon and isn't working so good either , but he still opens up the inside house door to try to get some cold air, but he just brings in the hot air from the porch cuz the air conditioner isn't giving out any cold air.. i gotta get it fixed, but he don't understand that.

I've been miserable this summer ....literally...

My house is still in Foreclosure... *sigh* i'm to scared to call my mortgage company to see if i can try to save my house, and i got some paper work from one company that can help me, but with my job and the money i make i don't make enough to even come close to paying a mortgage, plus lights and gas and everything else... i don't know, I've been looking for other jobs, but nothing is calling back. i want to keep this job and try to find something for after wards.. like a 1230am to 7 am shift.. i'm up all night anyways, so why not be up making money right? lol...

Vehicle.....

My truck has been outta commission for 4 months now... i took it over to see my friend around the beginning of April , late March, and came home with a leaking fuel rail....

My step dad goes to fix it, and takes forever doing it... yet he's still driving it, with it leaking gas....
then comes and tells me that the thermostat is messed up... so i ask him, is it from the fuel rail being fucked up.. and "he's yea, it could be...."
so he takes that totally out of the truck saying that "we can worry about fixing that again when we need it in the winter time..."
Which made no sense to me.. why not fix it now while its nice out instead of the freezing cold in the winter time where he's going to complain and bitch about how cold it is??? but oh well on that... then he comes to tell me that the spark plugs are shot on it, and that he's going to try to fix them with some that he has laying around the house..... so he tried to put them in, and they didn't work... of course. but you can't tell Mr. mechanic of 40 years that since he knows everything... Then another day comes to me and tells me that the car won't go back into reverse!!! so i tell him not to touch it anymore... i don't have the money to fix it and the dam thing can be a planter out there for all i care... so now its been sitting out in the middle of my lawn (cuz he didn't know how to park it in the driveway in the back) with a flat tire, and hasn't moved in months... and the dam thing isn't going to be fixed till he after he dies...

And i know how that sounds.. it sounds awful, but if i was to fix it now while he is still around, he would still try to drive it all doped up on his medicine and claim that he's okay and then total this truck.. and i'm not doing that again. I've had one truck totaled already by him, and i'm not having another one done...
And i know he's pissed as shit that he can't drive anymore.. cuz his lil friends don't come by the house anymore now that he doesn't have the truck running, and they used to be here every day, and now their not.. thank you God! but he don't see the connection that they were only using him to take them places cuz their parents wouldn't... and he also has no way to go to the grocery store either. he has to wait for his friend to take him after he gets off work... but oh well... and another reason why i refuse to fix it yet is because here all the while he's working on it, and things are going wrong right after another with that thing, he don't think its his mechanic work that's fucking it up... he told my brother that i fucked it up while i had it the two weeks while i was driving it... not his shitty work!!! i was so fucking pissed when my brother told me that!!! but i didn't say anything... i'm just going to let it sit back there....

So my mom and my sister have been taking me back and forth to work, and to anywhere else i have to go too... and i just give them gas money every once in a while.. i hate that i have to depend on them again, but right now i have to do it....

Work.....

Work has been just there..... its been so boring... and the boss has been putting more pressure on me to enforce the rules which i always have. but there's more pressure now, cuz a lot of the tenants complained to the health department, they had over 25 to 30 complaints about all the cockroaches, how there's broken stuff in their apartments, and the boss don't want to fix them.... they had numerous violation codes, the back emergency doors being locked all the time, they had no hoses in the fire doors in case if there's ever a fire on one of the floors, there would be no way to put it out cuz there's no hoses, the fire alarms don't work, no carbon monoxide alarms in any of the apartments, the back windows are supposed to be able to open and their caulked shut. and many other things.. but mainly about the roaches... they have been so bad...so they had to call a professional out to finally do it, but they used a bait for them, and its brought out the roaches more, and its not really killing them! the first thing that they should have done, was tell all the tenants to leave the building, and then put a tent over the entire building, and then fumigate the whole thing and then after that do the baits.. cuz them roaches are all in the walls and the dirt of the foundation of that building and they are never going to get the roaches out of there.. and they expect to have them all out of there in a few months... yea... right....

So they have been putting more pressure on me to enforce stuff like i said, and i have but the tenants aren't listening to me... I've already gotten into it with a couple tenants and i'm told to write it down, but one tenant i got into it with would have gotten 2 other tenants in trouble too, so i didn't write it down, but now any other time he messes up i'm going to write it down and get him... so now he's been real nice to me cuz he knows i'm really pissed off with him right now... cuz he really disrespected me and I've never disrespected him before ever...

So I've been trying to find another job lately.. but its also hard doing that, cuz i don't have my own ride.... i'm going to be shit out of luck when my sister has to find another job after the census job she has is done in August and she has to get a real job....*sigh* so i don't know... but i know i have to do something to get another job with a better pay....

Love life......
My love life has crawled to a halt right now... i get some once in a while... cuz i'm seeing this new guy that I've known for over 10 years (i used to work with him at the casino and he lives at the building with another friend from the casino) and he's into following the bible and doing right by that. but he's fine as helll..... lol.. i mean this man is gorgeous, beautiful... he can be a model and make some hella money... but every time he's around me , i just get hot...lol.. and don't know what to say or do.. he's just beautiful.. and even more beautiful naked...lol.. when we first started talking about getting together i was actually shy... cuz he's fine, and i'm me.... and was just shy about getting naked in front of him or doing anything to him.... lol..cuz here i'm a big girl, and he's a fine looking man, and i'm over thinking all of it of why he would want to be with me, but now i'm a little over that and we see each other when he wants some. because with him trying to follow the bible, when he does want some he gets down on him self about it, and so when he wants its, i'm definitely going to be there to get some.... lol.. cuz I've been wanting him since i first seen him at the casino... lol..

But we're really good friends and if i ever need to talk to him about anything, he's there for me and he makes me feel alot better talking to him. and i'm there for him when he needs to talk... but i tell everyone at the building that he's going to be my next baby's daddy... lol...

And my other friend i haven't seen since April when my car went down.. and i miss him so much... and then his car went down too.. he needs a whole new motor for his car that's going to cost him over 4000.00 dollars and he don't have that kinda money... so we've been texting each other and all, but i want to hold him and kiss him so much.. i just miss my baby... lol...

But that's all summed up right there... i'm going to try to start blogging more often.. cuz alot of stuff has been on my mind, and i know i need to write it down, but i keep being lazy to blog.. but i'm going to start up again, cuz blogging makes me feel better....

But talk to you all laters!!!


Laney

lying stepdad

You know, i really do hate a fucking liar.... and especially when the person is living right in the same household!!!

I had left for work today, and i know, i KNOW, i locked my door, and my daughter texted me saying that the door was open, and that my step dad was in there flipping thru my channels on my TV....

Things have come up missing in my room (my movies,money,all my aspirin) and he swears up and down that no one was here, and that he wouldn't touch them... ..

But yet, my movies are missing, probably sitting in some fucking pawn shop cuz he needed a few packs of cigarettes...

I've had money in my drawer next to my bed, and i know i didn't use it, and it came up missing... but no one was here, and HE didn't touch it....

And he eats aspirin like there fucking m&m's cuz he's always in pain... but yet won't go into the hospital....

Asshole....

But when you confront him about it, he want's to put the blame on my daughter and her friends!!! and my daughter knows how i am about my movies and how protective i am of them, and she knows not to do anything to them...shit, one of her movies came up missing too!!!

But i don't know what to do anymore about him, cuz its getting so fucking hard to live with him.....

But i know that pretty dam soon, mine and my daughter's room are going to have bolts and padlocks on the outside of the doors so that he can't go up in there for anything!!!

And i shouldn't have to do that inside my own house, but when you have a thief that is also a liar in your house there's no other alternative... until i kick him out...

But his string is wearing real thin right now... him being sick is the only reason why he's still in my house...

and its very, very, very, thin

On a more calmer note.... work is good.. was boring today until about 10pm when one of the tenants came down and was talking to me...then i was feeling better...

And i had gotten a call from my friend, saying that he was going to come over tonight cuz he was out this way, and i told him to call me tonight if he decided to come thru, and he didn't call.... :(

He must have figured that he wouldn't have gotten any rest at all, and he wanted to get up early for church... lol...

Because i was going to wear him ooouuutt!!! lmao!!!

Anyways...

let me get to bed, i'm tired...just got done watching that movie Pandorum, and i started watching it online (on a bootleg site) when it first came out, but the version i was watching was fuzzy and bad, so i stopped watching it... but it was pretty good... i'm going to have to go buy that... lol...

But I'm out!!!

Men are so confusing and other things...

I know its been a while since I've blogged.. and this was one of my New Year's Resolutions that i really wanted to stick to, so that i can get a lot of things off my chest..

But a lot of things have come up, with work, and home, and men, and just sleeping all the time...
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Work....

Work has been just there... i'm getting bored with it.. its an easy job, the easiest that I've had and i shouldn't complain.. but the pay sucks, i got to fight off crackheads that think i'm desperate, fight cockroaches, and clean up piss that the triflin ass mofo's do in the elevators... but with how the economy is, and there are absolutely no freaking jobs hiring here in Indiana, i'm stuck here.....

But the good thing is that the tenants are good to me, and i love all of them, and i love all the babies that are there... So that is a good thing about the job..

___________________________________________________________

Step dad.....

He's driving me up a fucking wall.... he's not helping out around the house financially like he was supposed to, with getting his s.s.i and disability, to where that means my little ass check is paying for everything up in this house and for a truck that is pimping my ass big time...

he's fucked up my truck royally by the way he drives it, and then when things go wrong with it, i'm the one who has to pay for it, and i'm not even driving it! i haven't driven my car since Halloween.. because the seat is stuck forward and up to high , (its a mechanical seat, he likes it up to the wheel and high, i need it back and low) and he's taking his sweet ass time fixing it, and I've given him money to fix it, and he's just being real slow with it, because then he has control of the car...
The exhaust is completely down on it... well, its hanging by wire clothes hangers... but if i fix it again, (which I've given him money to fix it and that's how he did it, ) he will want me to give him the money and he would claim he's fixing it right... but he wouldn't .....

But you can't tell him anything... he's let his friends live in my house, on the porch where he's always at, and i tell them i want them to go, but he still lets them stay...

Lets kids come in that he's friends with , and sit around and smoke pot, and cigarettes, but if you say something to him, he's yea, yea, and nothing gets done...

I've had movies stolen from me recently that he claims that he didn't do , and none of his friends were here, or would watch those kinda movies, (shrek 3,curious case of Benjamin buttons,harry potter, and night at the museum) so i asked him if he pawned them , or any of his friends did, and he's no... you only get a dollar for them now... okay, that's a pack of cigarettes that he don't have money for...

It's like he thinks i'm stupid or something and that i don't catch on.. if none of his friends were here to take them then he did... my daughter's mp3 went missing for a week, and we tore the house up looking for it, and when i mentioned it to him one night about it and if he seen it, he's no.. so one night i'm here on the computer, and its no where here.... why the next morning it was here at the puter????

So i'm on to his little thieving ways... and everyone keeps telling me to kick him out and i'm on the verge too, but he's sick and that's the only thing that is keeping him here...and he's been saying he's going to go into the hospital for the past month, and he hasn't and he's walking around here coughing and moaning and crying and i want to scream at him to shut the fuck up already and go in! but then I'd be shit outta luck cuz he hasn't fixed the seat yet....

so its useless...
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Men...

That guy that i was seeing in August who dumped me for his ex that left him for a shelter is single again.. they were engaged to get married, (his stupid ass) and i had stopped talking to him for like 3 months to get my feelings away from him and then when he announced that he was single again, i told him that i was sorry about it, and that i was here for him, and he contacted me 2 weeks ago, and now we're talking again.. he's trying to find a place in the city again so that he can be close to his job. but i'm going to take it slow and try not to get my feelings into him again. and i'm going to give him his "competition" that he wanted the last time that i wouldn't give him..

Because there were offers from other guys, but i just couldn't be with anyone else. i was to hooked into him. but i'm now going to give these other guys a chance cuz i'm now seeing him in a whole different light... when i wasn't talking to him i was putting him in the loser category like all the other losers i was with before in my past. i know that's not right of me to do , but its helped me get over him in some way....

But it didn't help that he came over Saturday and i finally got me some good stuff after 6 months of not being with him... but it was alllllll goooood... lol...

And then now what's really messing me up is this one guy that I've been friends with for over 10 years, is now telling me how much he" loves me", and how he's working to save money for us...

and i'm like whaaaaat????

After all these years, that i sat and told him how i felt about him, and how when his relationship with his first wife didn't work out, and he went and messed around with this other girl, who gave him shit, and told him she was pregnant...but he didn't want to be with me....

Then after he gets a divorce from his 1st wife, and two months later gets married to his 2nd wife, still wants to call me and ask me for some cooch, and i'm like ... ummm... no... get it from your wife...

So there was a few months that we were going on and off with talking and everything, and him and his wife moved into a hicks ville part of Indiana to where i don't see him and now the last two days i'm getting texts from him saying...

He loves me...
He's working his butt off to save money for me and him.
and that he's realized things in his life

So i'm like "okay, why?? why now after all these years??"

And i think the main reason why he's finally "realizing " things now is cause he just wants cooch... and that's all... cause i guess his wifey isn't giving him any, and he thinks i will... he even said that he'd divorce his wife now for me!!!


But i swear i don't understand men !!!! the one i'm dealing with now wants it only to be a booty call thing and don't want to see what he has in front of him and wants to live in the past, and now this one is now realizing shit that he should have done years ago!!!!

But he has me so messed up in my head because i don't understand where all of this is coming from.. i don't know... maybe its not for me to understand...

But let me get off this thing and go to bed.... but i'm going to try to blog more often..

So i can stay sane... lol


I'm out!!!

Laney

I'm going to snap!

As some of you all know, I've had my step dad living with me for 2 years now and its been a living hell...

My mom warned me...

But nooooooo.... me and my brother felt bad because he was in Arizona living with a friend of his and he wasn't being taken care of properly..(my step dad has cancer,lupus,and other ailments.) so me and my brother bought a bus ticket for him to come back home here to Indiana and live with me..

And i laid down some ground rules for him to follow... which were ...
1. no young boys running in and out my house.......
2. no one is to stay here unless I'm fucking them, their related, or their giving me money...
3. and at the time i had a van and he wasn't to drive it...

Well, he broke 2 of them rules already.. and now seems to run the house and i can't deal with it anymore.. he doesn't pay for shit around here except food cuz he gets stamps, but that's not enough... everything that he fixes breaks , or he rigs it to stay up.. like he has my truck...

My truck is a piece of shit.. I've only had it for 7 months and i don't get to drive it cuz he made sure that the drivers side seat cant' go back or down... when it was sticking on me the very last time i drove it on Halloween, he got it to go back and down, (its a mechanical seat) now it wont do nothing. so i gave him money to fix it and he's taking his sweet ass time fixing it. and now the passenger side is doing the same thing.... so he's done made sure that i can't ever get in my car...

And then today... he killed my fish! he changed the water in the tank, and i think he used to hot of water for them, and it stunned them. cuz they were swimming upside down and didn't want to move for anything...

here are pics of my babies...R.I.P. (hopefully they came out..first time ever uploading on here..lol) but i was so upset that they died...

So now i think if i ever get fish again, I'm going to do it when my step dad isn't here anymore...

But i think there is going to be a time very soon that I'm going to have to talk to him about finding another place to live because i can't deal with it anymore and neither can my daughter. she's having nightmare's of him choking her and everything. and that's not good... .

But any advice you can give me on how to deal with him, is greatly appreciated..

Thank you ..

Laney