I know its been a while since I've blogged.. and this was one of my New Year's Resolutions that i really wanted to stick to, so that i can get a lot of things off my chest..
But a lot of things have come up, with work, and home, and men, and just sleeping all the time...
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Work....
Work has been just there... i'm getting bored with it.. its an easy job, the easiest that I've had and i shouldn't complain.. but the pay sucks, i got to fight off crackheads that think i'm desperate, fight cockroaches, and clean up piss that the triflin ass mofo's do in the elevators... but with how the economy is, and there are absolutely no freaking jobs hiring here in Indiana, i'm stuck here.....
But the good thing is that the tenants are good to me, and i love all of them, and i love all the babies that are there... So that is a good thing about the job..
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Step dad.....
He's driving me up a fucking wall.... he's not helping out around the house financially like he was supposed to, with getting his s.s.i and disability, to where that means my little ass check is paying for everything up in this house and for a truck that is pimping my ass big time...
he's fucked up my truck royally by the way he drives it, and then when things go wrong with it, i'm the one who has to pay for it, and i'm not even driving it! i haven't driven my car since Halloween.. because the seat is stuck forward and up to high , (its a mechanical seat, he likes it up to the wheel and high, i need it back and low) and he's taking his sweet ass time fixing it, and I've given him money to fix it, and he's just being real slow with it, because then he has control of the car...
The exhaust is completely down on it... well, its hanging by wire clothes hangers... but if i fix it again, (which I've given him money to fix it and that's how he did it, ) he will want me to give him the money and he would claim he's fixing it right... but he wouldn't .....
But you can't tell him anything... he's let his friends live in my house, on the porch where he's always at, and i tell them i want them to go, but he still lets them stay...
Lets kids come in that he's friends with , and sit around and smoke pot, and cigarettes, but if you say something to him, he's yea, yea, and nothing gets done...
I've had movies stolen from me recently that he claims that he didn't do , and none of his friends were here, or would watch those kinda movies, (shrek 3,curious case of Benjamin buttons,harry potter, and night at the museum) so i asked him if he pawned them , or any of his friends did, and he's no... you only get a dollar for them now... okay, that's a pack of cigarettes that he don't have money for...
It's like he thinks i'm stupid or something and that i don't catch on.. if none of his friends were here to take them then he did... my daughter's mp3 went missing for a week, and we tore the house up looking for it, and when i mentioned it to him one night about it and if he seen it, he's no.. so one night i'm here on the computer, and its no where here.... why the next morning it was here at the puter????
So i'm on to his little thieving ways... and everyone keeps telling me to kick him out and i'm on the verge too, but he's sick and that's the only thing that is keeping him here...and he's been saying he's going to go into the hospital for the past month, and he hasn't and he's walking around here coughing and moaning and crying and i want to scream at him to shut the fuck up already and go in! but then I'd be shit outta luck cuz he hasn't fixed the seat yet....
so its useless...
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Men...
That guy that i was seeing in August who dumped me for his ex that left him for a shelter is single again.. they were engaged to get married, (his stupid ass) and i had stopped talking to him for like 3 months to get my feelings away from him and then when he announced that he was single again, i told him that i was sorry about it, and that i was here for him, and he contacted me 2 weeks ago, and now we're talking again.. he's trying to find a place in the city again so that he can be close to his job. but i'm going to take it slow and try not to get my feelings into him again. and i'm going to give him his "competition" that he wanted the last time that i wouldn't give him..
Because there were offers from other guys, but i just couldn't be with anyone else. i was to hooked into him. but i'm now going to give these other guys a chance cuz i'm now seeing him in a whole different light... when i wasn't talking to him i was putting him in the loser category like all the other losers i was with before in my past. i know that's not right of me to do , but its helped me get over him in some way....
But it didn't help that he came over Saturday and i finally got me some good stuff after 6 months of not being with him... but it was alllllll goooood... lol...
And then now what's really messing me up is this one guy that I've been friends with for over 10 years, is now telling me how much he" loves me", and how he's working to save money for us...
and i'm like whaaaaat????
After all these years, that i sat and told him how i felt about him, and how when his relationship with his first wife didn't work out, and he went and messed around with this other girl, who gave him shit, and told him she was pregnant...but he didn't want to be with me....
Then after he gets a divorce from his 1st wife, and two months later gets married to his 2nd wife, still wants to call me and ask me for some cooch, and i'm like ... ummm... no... get it from your wife...
So there was a few months that we were going on and off with talking and everything, and him and his wife moved into a hicks ville part of Indiana to where i don't see him and now the last two days i'm getting texts from him saying...
He loves me...
He's working his butt off to save money for me and him.
and that he's realized things in his life
So i'm like "okay, why?? why now after all these years??"
And i think the main reason why he's finally "realizing " things now is cause he just wants cooch... and that's all... cause i guess his wifey isn't giving him any, and he thinks i will... he even said that he'd divorce his wife now for me!!!
But i swear i don't understand men !!!! the one i'm dealing with now wants it only to be a booty call thing and don't want to see what he has in front of him and wants to live in the past, and now this one is now realizing shit that he should have done years ago!!!!
But he has me so messed up in my head because i don't understand where all of this is coming from.. i don't know... maybe its not for me to understand...
But let me get off this thing and go to bed.... but i'm going to try to blog more often..
So i can stay sane... lol
I'm out!!!
Laney
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