Confusing Day

Today started off to be an okay day. I got up and got ready to go to work, but i was still really tired today that made me a little irritated for some reason and i don't know for what...
but it didn't help it much either when one of the maintenance so called bosses wanted to come and tell me how to do my job. On why i didn't have an ex tenant sign in. I almost snapped on him for it too.. i don't tell him how to do his job so he shouldn't tell me how to do mine. I know the ex tenant isn't going to do anything to the building and i already knew where she was going too. so he could kiss my ass.....

Other wise it was a very uneventful day until i got a phone call around 9pm from my friend Mo... and he really had me confused... telling me that he finally seen it from my point of view on how i felt when we were messing around and how i was almost "stalkerish" to the point of coming to be with him every Tuesday and Friday nights. that how i went from seeing him to back to nothing that he finally gets it.. and so he shocked me and apologized to me for not seeing it in my point of view at the time.

But what i don't understand was where it was all coming from. Part of me thinks its because he's not getting it anymore either and he's missing it. and he also went and told me that, that year was the best he's ever had. because he was getting it all the time and now he's not. and i think that is why he was telling me,because he's not getting it anymore...

But i told him that i would still be out to see him if it wasn't for me not having a car. and he also doesn't have a car either. but that is the only reason why i stopped really. because i really do still care for him a lot and would be with him in a heartbeat... even after everything that happened.

So that had me messed up for a little bit.. but i don't know....he's such a complex man.. he's a Scorpio, and in my findings of hanging around them and being with them, they are so hard headed and complex. their thinking is kind of weird... lol.. i got another friend who is a Scorpio and he's a little odd.. fine as hell, but his thinking is odd.. and he's kinda self centered.. lol..

But lately all I've been thinking about is sex... i haven't had any in about 5 months and its killing me... i had an opportunity to get some this past Tuesday and i turned it down for some reason. the guy is nice looking, has a big dick, nice body, a job, is willing to come get me, and we've been talking for over a year by texting only, but i don't know what's stopping me from getting together with him. My daughter thinks i have anxiety problems.. a phobia or something when i have to go out in public or go anywhere out of the house.. my stomach will start hurting and i wind up in the bathroom for hours ... so i think that is part of it too... but i know mainly its me being nervous of having a sexual encounter with someone new.. learning how he likes to do things and teaching him how i like things done.. so i told him that we can get together this coming up Tuesday if he wanted too, and of course he said yes... lol..

But i just got in this rut that i just want to be with a certain someone and just him. not with anyone and everyone... and i can't believe i just said that because that's how i used to be when i was in my 20's ... and didn't care as long as it was protected... and i keep telling myself that i have to get back to that way again, but then i can't. i just keep thinking that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life and i don't want that...


But i don't know.... lol... work has been slow and boring.. its been really quiet. which is good, but not as quiet as it is.... lol.. i need some excitement .. lol...

But i think I'm going to get off here and go to bed... I'm tired..

I'm out!

Laney