ungrateful step dad

Today

Today was going all good and dandy... because i was happy that my daughter was coming back for Spring Break, and i was finally able to see her after 2 months. work was okay..was boring like usual lately, which is good, better than it being popping and trouble going around...

But my friend who moved in with me got mad at me cuz i didn't let him know that my daughter was home. and i really meant too, but i was talking to a tenant and forgot. so he's talking about going to sleep in the basement where its a filthy mess. and i don't want him to do that. but he thinks I'm making excuses. when I'm not. i really do like him and i don't want him down there, its bad enough that he's sleeping on my bedroom floor.

I've been cleaning my house this past two off days so that it can be clean for him and for myself. but i just want him to be up here with me.

And then i got into it with my daughter again about him. i don't know.. its just not going good today...

Then before she went to her boyfriends house, they went across the street to Speedway and got me some nachos and i broke my temporary crown on my molar. and now i don't know what to do...

I don't have any insurance at all or the money to go to the dentist to get another one. when i got this temporary crown, i had insurance and was working at the casino. but the insurance wouldn't pay for the permanent crown for some reason.. so now i think I'm going to go and ask them to just pull the tooth completely out and be just have a hole there... but the darn cap is sharp and its scratching my tongue.. and I'm afraid its going to start hurting . and i can't handle tooth pain. i think that's worse then menstrual cramps.

I don't know... is this God's way of punishing me? i don't think I've done anything wrong.. I'm trying to be good and do good by him and all...but i eat one nacho chip that wasn't even that hard, they were soft, cuz i just ate them after i got out the shower, and my tooth cracks... and then i feel sick to my stomach that i swallowed the piece.

And that i can feel the rotted tooth... that's grossing me out more than ever..

i just want to cry... badly.. but i don't want my friend seeing me cry again. because it bugs him..

i think i might be starting my period soon cuz I'm usually not this emotional about stuff.

i should be happy today because of my daughter being home, but I'm not... I'm sad.. and i can't help it..

shit..


laney

Family

You know, sometimes i think that family can screw you more than your friends can. My family is so messed up probably just like any other family that is out there, but mine can be unbearable sometimes...

This afternoon, i get a phone call from my step dad that just moved out 2 days ago, asking if he can come back because he can't stand it there already. AFTER 2 DAYS...

2 DAYS ......

He told me that he had talked to Social Security and that he would all of a sudden be getting his money soon, and that he would start paying me 200 bucks for the "only 2 months" that he would come back for till he got into the assisted living ...that he all of a sudden got approved for...

So i told him no...NO... NO... i can't do it.. once he got his foot back in the door of my house, he wouldn't leave back out of it again... and he knows it and thinks i'm stupid to fall for it... and i'm not...

So i told him that i can't because i'm going to be helping a friend of mine who needs a place to stay... so he goes..." oh, i see. okay, i guess i'm on my own.. i'll just slit my throat... then tells me that he's coming for his stuff still and then hangs up on me..

which everyone in my family and him know that if you want to really piss me off ....

Hang up on me...

That for some reason infuriates me...

So today i went and paid my phone bill and why did it take me a minute to decide if i wanted to disconnect his phone service that i'm paying for?

But i decided to be the bigger person and give him the few weeks that i told him i'd keep it on before i did shut it off..

But he actually got mad at me for saying NO, that i don't want him back here anymore... i couldn't believe that!!! after all the things he put me and my daughter thru the 3 years he was here...

all the kids in and out my house,
his no good son staying at my house,
my house getting raided,
my movies and my money getting stolen,
my daughters things and camera getting stolen,
all my electronical things broken,
garbage from out in the alley that others throw out, he deems there okay, and brings them here in my house....
him not contributing to anything....

But he's going to give me 200 dollars all of a sudden to come back and live here... yea, okay.. i'm re tar did...

If he's telling the truth, yea, i could have used the money... but i'd rather have my peace and sense of MIND. of not worrying about who is all up in my house, going thru my things and eating up everything... nope can't do it...

And then he thinks that if he pulls a guilt trip and says that he's going to kill himself that i'm going to fall for it and let him come back ... no way.. and that's such a dirty scandalous thing to do to some one your supposed to "love" .. but i didn't fall for it, he's pulled that on all of us and he never did it...

Then when i told my mother and sister that i let my friend move in with me they didn't blow a fit, but they always think that my friends are going to take advantage of me, and use me. and my friend isn't like that.. he's a very quiet, private person. and i know i don't have to worry about him going thru my things stealing my stuff...

But because of my past and letting all these supposed men live with me, and they did all that bad stuff, they think that he is.. and i know he's not..

So then i told my daughter, and she blew up at me. which i understand her side of it, but because of what i put her thru when she was little she doesn't believe that he's different...

And then too, we've never had the house to our selves since i've bought it because of me letting others stay with me...

But she has to realize and the same with my mom and sister... i'm the one who pays the bills here... not them... so i have the ultimate decisions on who and who can't stay with me... not them... and then my daughter is off at college now... living in a dorm with 3 other people...

While I'm here at home all alone with my cat...

And its not that i'm scared to be here by myself, i'm not.. but it gets lonely..my cat don't talk back to me when i talk to him.. he just meows.. lol.. but i need the companionship... and my friend will give that to me.. and then i really, really , do like him.. ALOT....

But him being here isn't like that.. i wish it was.. but right now he has other things in his life that are more important to him than a relationship and i understand that..

So my day was kinda depressing today....

But in other things... my other friend who happens to be married, was supposed to come chill with me Friday night... finally for the first time in the 2 1/2 years that we have known each other...

So he comes and picks me up from work that night, and then tells me that he can drop me off but he can't stay, that he will come back because his wife got out the hospital that night and he had to go back to check on her , but that he'd be back...

So that pissed me off, because not once during the whole time that we were texting each other that night did he mention to me that she was in there. otherwise i would have told him not to even bother..because i knew it wasn't going to go thru then...

So he's i'll text you in 20 minutes ... and i didn't get a text at all... which i knew he wouldn't ...

So he texts me the next morning saying that he's sorry and that he'll make it up to me, and that wifey didn't want him to go back out again...so i understood all that but it just let me down, cuz i was looking forward to us just sitting and relaxing and watching a movie...

But oh well... maybe one day it will happen...

Well, let me get off here and get my butt to bed...

Its been a long night.. i'm tired.. and exhausted..

And this time change is killing me... i need my hour back.. lol


Laney

FINALLY

I don't know what to do with myself...

I can't hold my excitement any longer.. lol.. he,meaning my step dad is finally out of my house!!!! I told him in late December that he had to leave and he was procrastinating and saying that all the assisted living places had a waiting list, which they could have, i never checked to see if he was lying or not, but he finally left today and is moving in with his "son" Rob.. the one who used to live with us here and steal from me and him..

But Rob and his girlfriend got a trailer out in Portage so they have a room for him there.. THANK YOU JESUS!!! its not his first place of choice, but they were the only friends of his that offered to take him... all his friends that he supposedly did everything for and helped, weren't there for him when he needed it.. but his thieving son...

But he also told Rob that if anything of his comes up missing, meaning his prescription pills that he's going to leave... not back here... but somewhere...

And i hate being so happy that he's gone, but he's put me thru so much the 3 years i had him here it ain't funny...

I've had little 15 and 16 year olds running all thru my house, my house was raided by the police and my daughter and her boyfriend frisked because of one of his little boyfriends robbing a house and running into my house, (cuz my dad would leave the basement door unlocked for him) these same little boyfriends would sit up on my porch and drink and smoke pot everyday, ditch school and come here,...I've had food hoarded by him , all my dish towels are in all of my drawers that i have in my kitchen, some also in the bathroom drawers.., my good towels have been bleached and discolored, anything electronic i have is screwed because of him... lets see, what else? he stopped helping me with the only thing he was helping with was food... he was getting stamps, and he missed a call and got cut off last summer, then was saying he was waiting for an appeal , but all he had to do was go put in a new application... and he never did. so that was a new bill i had to start paying for, and then when i did start bringing in the food, him or his boyfriends were eating up all of it... my cereal that he never ate , was disappearing.... my burritos gone... everything... my cookies that i bought, he had half of it gone in two day! he NEVER ate cookies like that.... so i know he was feeding his little boyfriends all of my stuff while i was at work..

AND DON'T GET ME STARTED AGAIN, ON WHAT HE DID TO MY VEHICLE THAT I BOUGHT LAST SUMMER... THAT IS A TOTAL RANT THAT I DON'T WANT TO GET INTO.. CUZ I'M TOOO HAPPY!!!

So now i can look forward to not having to smell smoke every time that inside door opens, no 16 year old kids coming to my house, i can walk around naked any time i want now... i don't have to lock my bedroom door anymore, i don't have to worry about my movies coming up missing, i can leave money out on my dining room table and not worry about it walking away, i can now leave my digital camera out, and my webcam without it coming up missing, i don't have to buy coffee anymore for him, i don't have to buy a gazillion bags of sugar for him.. i don't have to smell his foulness from the bathroom anymore or make sure that we have milk every 2 days cuz he goes thru it like crazy...

Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh.... me time.....

Yea, i admit... its going to be real lonely for me... and its getting me scared. cuz the 5 years that i've had my house, i've never been alone in it by myself for long... but now that my daughter is in college and he's gone, its just going to be me... ME , ME , ME... .. LOL.. oh, and my hercules...i think he's going to miss him too... and he's going to be lonely when I'm at work .. but he will deal with it... so now i just got to get used to being here all by myself, and try not to get scared...lol..

I've also hoping too now that his little boyfriends know that he's gone, that they won't try to do something to my house while I'm away at work. because i never did trust them little butt holes.... but if something does happen then i know it was them. but i will be making sure that all my doors are locked and dead bolted while i am away. and my next check i will be getting new locks for my doors. i have to have someone fix my door knob on my front door . the knob is loose, but if its tightened it don't want to turn or lock... so i have to have someone come fix it right...

I can now take the password protection off my account for my computer and delete the guest account... see? little things like this that i had to do because he would get into stuff and screw things around...

But on to other things.....

I was talking to a friend of mine who's cousin used to live with me and i was messing around with for 9 years and loved him, well, he went crazy over my ex friend and she had a baby and everything by him and he's a worthless piece of crap... well, come to find out he really did her over... hahahahahahaahaaaa!!!!

That he still doesn't have a job, just sitting around smoking weed and playing video games, and now she don't have a job either!!!!! hahahahahaaa!!! she's now living off unemployment and he's living off her... i guess her car was messing up and her job got moved to somewhere in Illinois, and she doesn't do highways, so he was taking her back and forth to work and having the car all the time, so she lost her job worrying about where he was all the time.. calling off and everything so that she can be all up underneath him ... and i know what he was doing cuz he did it to me.. he was seeing all these other females that he'd meet online... but she was getting paid some good money and she lost it due to him... she also got pregnant again.. .. but she got an abortion.. which i never thought she would do, but it had to be from him telling her too, cuz he never wanted the first one by her... and she also blew up! got fatter than she was!!!! hahahahahahaaaa!!!! so Thank You, ex friend for taking my spot... lol.. because that's what i was doing, letting him smoke, and play video games, letting him take me back and forth to work, paying for things for him... and now she has all that now...

What goes around , comes around and GOD does not like ugly!!!!! but that made my day when my friend told me that... lol.. because I'm not stuck with his butt and all that bull crap...

So Wednesday was lent...what did everyone give up? me, i gave up fast food, candy, and pop... (which i have already before lent) and i think I'm going to give up sex too, since I'm not getting any now... lol.. but that don't mean that if a man would come to me wanting some, that i wouldn't give it to him, because i need it badly... lol..

But gotta go now... gotta go back to bed... lol.. get a nap in before work...


oh.... i got to go to the bathroom with the door open!!!!! i know tmi , but its one of those things that i missed doing... hahahahaha!!!

I'm out!!!!

Laney

Today

Well, today was a pretty good day...

I was a little irritated again, due to my stank ass sister wanting to have an attitude because i didn't call her before i got dressed for work so that she would have been on her way to come get me... she wouldn't have been ready anyways...

It really sucks depending on someone else to have to take you back and forth places because of not having a vehicle. And i want to get another one, but not at this time because of my step dad still being here and he will think he's going to drive again. So i have been waiting on getting another vehicle. And its not like i can get one now anyways, because my license is still suspended and the major reason is that i don't have any money saved up for one.. this check i get is barely paying the bills i have now...

But otherwise, besides that today was a good day. Work was okay.. all the tenants wanted to wait till today to do their dam laundry. I had 3 of them text me before i even got to work about letting them know when i get to the building so that they can be the first one in there.. lol.. so the very first person who texted me is the one i let in there first and it took her 4 hours to do her laundry! and then the other 2 after her decided to wait to do theirs so i just let the others who were waiting for a washer do theirs.. it was crazy..

So then this guy who comes in to the building named Slim came and talked with me, and we've been flirting and talking since Summer of last year, about hooking up and everything. and he's a good guy and everything, but he's a drug dealer.. was in prison for 7 years (and i know your saying to yourself " how can he be a good guy but he's a drug dealer and was in prison", how i see it is you have to do what you have to do to get money out in this economy that won't hire anyone, and have no jobs hiring, he's doing what he has to do..) but like i said, he's actually a very nice , smart guy.. and very good looking to top that.. lol..

But we were talking about getting together tonight and i told him that he needs to just come over to my house, because with it being my job i can't do anything there.. (which i have done something there before and made me very nervous and paranoid) but he talked me into it, so i put my table up and went into the break room and we were messing around. And all the while we were, i was so nervous and making excuses to stop because i kept hearing people talking in the hallway out there, and then i thought i heard keys by the door, and so it wasn't as good as it could have been if we had just waited. So after i heard the keys i got so nervous that we both didn't get to finish... so it could have been better.

But he's paranoid about coming out here to the town I'm at because the police mess with black guys for no reason he says. but i told him if you drive the speed limit and play it safe, everything will be okay. they won't bother you unless you give them cause to.. so i don't know..

But now I'm over thinking it and wondering if he was okay with it, because he did say that we would do it again, but then i don't want to do it in the break room again. because the break room was nasty... i was irked that i was bent over in the kitchen with my hands on the nasty floor with the roaches...so i really couldn't enjoy myself... lol..

And then another thing that has me worried is that he's going to go tell his guy friends that are in the building. he says that he won't. but i know that he will tell one guy. because he told me already that he's got this other guy named Mike touching me and trying to get with me (which we have before, and he sucked, but he also plays to many mind games with me. ) and that they want to do a 3 some with me, but i don't want to do it with Mike because i know how its going to be with him.. i just want to do it with Slim.

And then lately with how much I've been thinking about sex a lot because i haven't been getting any like i was, i was starting to go nuts and that is one reason why i gave in and had it with him. but then i was starting to think about not just giving it up to just anyone like that anymore, and try to be good and hold out. but I'm so weak willed. *sigh*

I've also been wanting to read my bible more and try to change my ways and live by the book. but i see right now that its going to be hard for me to do that. Especially when I'm so sex crazed. that's all i think about.. lol.. and I've been trying not too but its so hard for me. to go from getting it every day to down to nothing or once a month or more, its hard... my friend Ty is trying to talk to me about the bible and get me to read it more and change my ways. and i want to too. but i just don't understand it. I'm stupid when it comes to the Bible. i don't know...


But all in all it was a very productive day today.. lol..

And i swear people think its funny when i tell them that my body is cock blocking me... because afterwards, i went to clean myself up and i was spotting. .. O.O

I was pissed.

I know its going to be around that time for me to start my period, but it won't come down. my legs have been tense and hurting lately, but nothing has been coming down..

And after all that bending over I'm surprised my back isn't hurting... and one good thing, my legs aren't hurting anymore.. :) lol..

But I'm out!!!

Laney

Confusing Day

Today started off to be an okay day. I got up and got ready to go to work, but i was still really tired today that made me a little irritated for some reason and i don't know for what...
but it didn't help it much either when one of the maintenance so called bosses wanted to come and tell me how to do my job. On why i didn't have an ex tenant sign in. I almost snapped on him for it too.. i don't tell him how to do his job so he shouldn't tell me how to do mine. I know the ex tenant isn't going to do anything to the building and i already knew where she was going too. so he could kiss my ass.....

Other wise it was a very uneventful day until i got a phone call around 9pm from my friend Mo... and he really had me confused... telling me that he finally seen it from my point of view on how i felt when we were messing around and how i was almost "stalkerish" to the point of coming to be with him every Tuesday and Friday nights. that how i went from seeing him to back to nothing that he finally gets it.. and so he shocked me and apologized to me for not seeing it in my point of view at the time.

But what i don't understand was where it was all coming from. Part of me thinks its because he's not getting it anymore either and he's missing it. and he also went and told me that, that year was the best he's ever had. because he was getting it all the time and now he's not. and i think that is why he was telling me,because he's not getting it anymore...

But i told him that i would still be out to see him if it wasn't for me not having a car. and he also doesn't have a car either. but that is the only reason why i stopped really. because i really do still care for him a lot and would be with him in a heartbeat... even after everything that happened.

So that had me messed up for a little bit.. but i don't know....he's such a complex man.. he's a Scorpio, and in my findings of hanging around them and being with them, they are so hard headed and complex. their thinking is kind of weird... lol.. i got another friend who is a Scorpio and he's a little odd.. fine as hell, but his thinking is odd.. and he's kinda self centered.. lol..

But lately all I've been thinking about is sex... i haven't had any in about 5 months and its killing me... i had an opportunity to get some this past Tuesday and i turned it down for some reason. the guy is nice looking, has a big dick, nice body, a job, is willing to come get me, and we've been talking for over a year by texting only, but i don't know what's stopping me from getting together with him. My daughter thinks i have anxiety problems.. a phobia or something when i have to go out in public or go anywhere out of the house.. my stomach will start hurting and i wind up in the bathroom for hours ... so i think that is part of it too... but i know mainly its me being nervous of having a sexual encounter with someone new.. learning how he likes to do things and teaching him how i like things done.. so i told him that we can get together this coming up Tuesday if he wanted too, and of course he said yes... lol..

But i just got in this rut that i just want to be with a certain someone and just him. not with anyone and everyone... and i can't believe i just said that because that's how i used to be when i was in my 20's ... and didn't care as long as it was protected... and i keep telling myself that i have to get back to that way again, but then i can't. i just keep thinking that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life and i don't want that...


But i don't know.... lol... work has been slow and boring.. its been really quiet. which is good, but not as quiet as it is.... lol.. i need some excitement .. lol...

But i think I'm going to get off here and go to bed... I'm tired..

I'm out!

Laney

Sorry its been so long...

First i want to apologize for it being so long since I've blogged. that is one thing that i have wanted to do as a New Years Resolution, is to blog more... But lately I've been busy with work again, and things here at home..

Work....

Work has been the same... boring same ole same ole... the one thing that i have noticed though is a lot, and i mean A LOT of the tenants and the men that come into the building (who don't seem to be crackheads that is,) have been hitting on me a lot.

But the only problem with that, is that the tenants have girlfriends that they are living with, and their down stairs trying to get in my pants. and then don't want to understand that i can't do anything with them, cuz i love their girl and their babies..and I'm not going to be the one to hurt them like that.. but they still insist on it.. touching up on me and trying to get me into the break room or on the stairs.. like I'm going to do that..

Had one guy come in after Christmas, and ask me for my number, and i told him that i would just take his, and I'll text him.. but then he asked for mine since he was down there, and for some reason he seemed clean and okay, so i gave it to him...

He wanted to hang out that same night, but i was like nah, i want to get to know him better on the phone, but he was persistent, and we hung out that Monday night.. so we were talking and everything, and we messed around a little bit, and come to find out he's a dog like all the other men around here.. I've been texting him, and texting him, and no answer.. when i finally told him that i was going to leave him alone cuz I'm bothering him, that's when he answered me.. but now I'll text him and just say hi, and now i don't get no response, so i stopped texting him..

I've just got to admit to myself that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life and stop trying to look for some man to be with... cuz its not going to happen...

My daughter is now a full fledged college student at Indiana University South East... she went all the way down south to get away from the asshole of my step dad. she's 15 minutes away from Louisville Kentucky.. she's majoring in fine arts.. the college is beautiful and its huge...its a community college. so the people who live around it also get to go to it. but she got blessed to get a dorm there. so she stays in a dorm with 3 other girls, and is doing pretty good.

But i miss my baby so much.. she's never been this far away from me, for this long. and it hurts my heart that she's that far. i didn't want to let her go when we dropped her off for school. i kept on hugging her and kissing her, almost started crying, but it was so had for me. .. but she's coming home this weekend cuz she's lonely and missing me and her friends.

But i finally told my dad that he has to find assisted living. cuz i can't deal with him anymore. or his little friends coming in and out of my house all the time, after i told him that i don't want them here anymore... and he just doesn't listen... so i told him that he has to go.. so now he's prolonging it , to where he's going to make me snap on him to get him out, but now he's playing sick again but don't want to go to the hospital. he's not contributing anything anymore , no food stamps nothing.. so now i got to buy food again, and he's eating it up and feeding his friends. i bought 4 boxes of cereal Tuesday when i went shopping, and there all gone now and its not from him eating it himself cuz he don't eat cereal like that.. and then plus, he don't have teeth to eat them with unless he lets it sit there and soak till they get soft..

But i don't know.. the faster he's out, i can have my house to myself and be stress free and smoke free... I'll have a lot of cleaning to do, with all his garbage and shit that's up in the attic, basement and front closet, but if i have to pay someone to help me get it out, I'll do it..

So I'm going to now try to blog more often cuz i do have a lot more on my mind that i have to get out, cuz I've been stressing a lot lately about things...

So I'll be back..... lol..

Laters..

Laney