Today

Well, sorry that i haven't blogged in a while like i've been wanting too... just the usual shit going on that keeps me busy... work, sleep, home... same shit....

Today i got into it with my step dad about my truck again. and he swears that he's going to move out again. and this time i'm going to tell him he has till the end of September. and then he has to be out, and his phone will be shut off...

After i told him that i didn't want my truck touched by him, he went and moved it so that he can move this other car into the back that he's supposedly "fixing" but he's fucking it up even more. and him moving the truck when it was on two rims, and no gas... but he don't listen to a word i say, and to top it off he had his little boyfriends dog in the front seat! and i told him that i didn't want any fucking dogs in there. so he blew a hissy fit like usual and now we're not talking. and when i got home tonight he had another friend over who he calls his son.. robbie.. the last time he was here he supposedly stole his pain pills and he wasn't ever going to talk to him again, and now he's here... knowing i don't want him in my house either... but its okay...

Cuz i'm going to blow it all up for him... telling me i treat him like a 6 year old, i'm going to really start treating him like one.. i'm going to take my car key away from him tomorrow, tell him he needs to go by the end of the month, and anyone who i don't want in my house and is here, i'm going to blow a fit....

his friend ki ki who is only 15 , i'm going to call the parole officer and get his ass in trouble, and the school board cuz he's ditching school and coming here, and i'm done with all of it....

Tonight at work, someone got shot.... right after i left .... THANK YOU GOD! one of the tenants was throwing a little " get together" for her cousin who's birthday was today, and her apartment was to small so she asked the one tenant to throw it in her place.. she has a 2 bedroom apartment and had 20 people up in there... that's 20 friends who didn't live there, and then more who are tenants that went up to party...

well, one of the tenants that was there partying, shot one of the outside guests... but my phone has been blowing up all night about it... and it happened right after i left... but i had written down in my report about the get together, and about the loud music, and even talked to the tenant and she was trying to say that they all didn't come up there , and that she was going to get everyone to go, but no one left out....

Then a guest of the tenants came down to talk to me and tell me that he kicked out alot and i'm like you did huh? but no one came out these two doors....so they was on some bullshit....

So the bullshit got them back....

So here the tenant that shot the guy is now in jail, the tenants that all were in there partying were all questioned and alot of people now are going to be evicted for a stupid act that this tenant did... a 30 something year old man, hanging with a bunch of 20 something year old kids..... and over some bull shit.....

Oh man.... its time to look for a new job.. seriously....

And the love life still is nothing... but oh well.... not really worried about that right now....


But talk to you all laters ,

I'm tired...

Laney

It's been a while

I know its been a while since I've blogged.. a lot of stuff has been going on with me with work, and stuff here at home... just been busy with that and just been sleeping...

Home......

Things here at home have been kinda hectic... my dad is more of a pain in the ass then ever... he's bitching about everything and anything, and its so annoying.. there are so many times i want to tell him to shut the fuck up already but i can't get myself to do that, cuz then he'll stomp around like a big ass baby and pout...

Its bad enough he irritates me already...he's dying.. like he always is.. but this time its for real... he had to have stints put up in him for his heart, and his body rejects foreign stuff in his body, and the doctors put that up in him and so he don't have that much time to go.... so i'm expecting to come home one day from work and find him dead on the porch... seriously...

Cuz with this heat and he only has a fan and the windows open, he ain't doing so good. and my air conditioner needs freon and isn't working so good either , but he still opens up the inside house door to try to get some cold air, but he just brings in the hot air from the porch cuz the air conditioner isn't giving out any cold air.. i gotta get it fixed, but he don't understand that.

I've been miserable this summer ....literally...

My house is still in Foreclosure... *sigh* i'm to scared to call my mortgage company to see if i can try to save my house, and i got some paper work from one company that can help me, but with my job and the money i make i don't make enough to even come close to paying a mortgage, plus lights and gas and everything else... i don't know, I've been looking for other jobs, but nothing is calling back. i want to keep this job and try to find something for after wards.. like a 1230am to 7 am shift.. i'm up all night anyways, so why not be up making money right? lol...

Vehicle.....

My truck has been outta commission for 4 months now... i took it over to see my friend around the beginning of April , late March, and came home with a leaking fuel rail....

My step dad goes to fix it, and takes forever doing it... yet he's still driving it, with it leaking gas....
then comes and tells me that the thermostat is messed up... so i ask him, is it from the fuel rail being fucked up.. and "he's yea, it could be...."
so he takes that totally out of the truck saying that "we can worry about fixing that again when we need it in the winter time..."
Which made no sense to me.. why not fix it now while its nice out instead of the freezing cold in the winter time where he's going to complain and bitch about how cold it is??? but oh well on that... then he comes to tell me that the spark plugs are shot on it, and that he's going to try to fix them with some that he has laying around the house..... so he tried to put them in, and they didn't work... of course. but you can't tell Mr. mechanic of 40 years that since he knows everything... Then another day comes to me and tells me that the car won't go back into reverse!!! so i tell him not to touch it anymore... i don't have the money to fix it and the dam thing can be a planter out there for all i care... so now its been sitting out in the middle of my lawn (cuz he didn't know how to park it in the driveway in the back) with a flat tire, and hasn't moved in months... and the dam thing isn't going to be fixed till he after he dies...

And i know how that sounds.. it sounds awful, but if i was to fix it now while he is still around, he would still try to drive it all doped up on his medicine and claim that he's okay and then total this truck.. and i'm not doing that again. I've had one truck totaled already by him, and i'm not having another one done...
And i know he's pissed as shit that he can't drive anymore.. cuz his lil friends don't come by the house anymore now that he doesn't have the truck running, and they used to be here every day, and now their not.. thank you God! but he don't see the connection that they were only using him to take them places cuz their parents wouldn't... and he also has no way to go to the grocery store either. he has to wait for his friend to take him after he gets off work... but oh well... and another reason why i refuse to fix it yet is because here all the while he's working on it, and things are going wrong right after another with that thing, he don't think its his mechanic work that's fucking it up... he told my brother that i fucked it up while i had it the two weeks while i was driving it... not his shitty work!!! i was so fucking pissed when my brother told me that!!! but i didn't say anything... i'm just going to let it sit back there....

So my mom and my sister have been taking me back and forth to work, and to anywhere else i have to go too... and i just give them gas money every once in a while.. i hate that i have to depend on them again, but right now i have to do it....

Work.....

Work has been just there..... its been so boring... and the boss has been putting more pressure on me to enforce the rules which i always have. but there's more pressure now, cuz a lot of the tenants complained to the health department, they had over 25 to 30 complaints about all the cockroaches, how there's broken stuff in their apartments, and the boss don't want to fix them.... they had numerous violation codes, the back emergency doors being locked all the time, they had no hoses in the fire doors in case if there's ever a fire on one of the floors, there would be no way to put it out cuz there's no hoses, the fire alarms don't work, no carbon monoxide alarms in any of the apartments, the back windows are supposed to be able to open and their caulked shut. and many other things.. but mainly about the roaches... they have been so bad...so they had to call a professional out to finally do it, but they used a bait for them, and its brought out the roaches more, and its not really killing them! the first thing that they should have done, was tell all the tenants to leave the building, and then put a tent over the entire building, and then fumigate the whole thing and then after that do the baits.. cuz them roaches are all in the walls and the dirt of the foundation of that building and they are never going to get the roaches out of there.. and they expect to have them all out of there in a few months... yea... right....

So they have been putting more pressure on me to enforce stuff like i said, and i have but the tenants aren't listening to me... I've already gotten into it with a couple tenants and i'm told to write it down, but one tenant i got into it with would have gotten 2 other tenants in trouble too, so i didn't write it down, but now any other time he messes up i'm going to write it down and get him... so now he's been real nice to me cuz he knows i'm really pissed off with him right now... cuz he really disrespected me and I've never disrespected him before ever...

So I've been trying to find another job lately.. but its also hard doing that, cuz i don't have my own ride.... i'm going to be shit out of luck when my sister has to find another job after the census job she has is done in August and she has to get a real job....*sigh* so i don't know... but i know i have to do something to get another job with a better pay....

Love life......
My love life has crawled to a halt right now... i get some once in a while... cuz i'm seeing this new guy that I've known for over 10 years (i used to work with him at the casino and he lives at the building with another friend from the casino) and he's into following the bible and doing right by that. but he's fine as helll..... lol.. i mean this man is gorgeous, beautiful... he can be a model and make some hella money... but every time he's around me , i just get hot...lol.. and don't know what to say or do.. he's just beautiful.. and even more beautiful naked...lol.. when we first started talking about getting together i was actually shy... cuz he's fine, and i'm me.... and was just shy about getting naked in front of him or doing anything to him.... lol..cuz here i'm a big girl, and he's a fine looking man, and i'm over thinking all of it of why he would want to be with me, but now i'm a little over that and we see each other when he wants some. because with him trying to follow the bible, when he does want some he gets down on him self about it, and so when he wants its, i'm definitely going to be there to get some.... lol.. cuz I've been wanting him since i first seen him at the casino... lol..

But we're really good friends and if i ever need to talk to him about anything, he's there for me and he makes me feel alot better talking to him. and i'm there for him when he needs to talk... but i tell everyone at the building that he's going to be my next baby's daddy... lol...

And my other friend i haven't seen since April when my car went down.. and i miss him so much... and then his car went down too.. he needs a whole new motor for his car that's going to cost him over 4000.00 dollars and he don't have that kinda money... so we've been texting each other and all, but i want to hold him and kiss him so much.. i just miss my baby... lol...

But that's all summed up right there... i'm going to try to start blogging more often.. cuz alot of stuff has been on my mind, and i know i need to write it down, but i keep being lazy to blog.. but i'm going to start up again, cuz blogging makes me feel better....

But talk to you all laters!!!


Laney

lying stepdad

You know, i really do hate a fucking liar.... and especially when the person is living right in the same household!!!

I had left for work today, and i know, i KNOW, i locked my door, and my daughter texted me saying that the door was open, and that my step dad was in there flipping thru my channels on my TV....

Things have come up missing in my room (my movies,money,all my aspirin) and he swears up and down that no one was here, and that he wouldn't touch them... ..

But yet, my movies are missing, probably sitting in some fucking pawn shop cuz he needed a few packs of cigarettes...

I've had money in my drawer next to my bed, and i know i didn't use it, and it came up missing... but no one was here, and HE didn't touch it....

And he eats aspirin like there fucking m&m's cuz he's always in pain... but yet won't go into the hospital....

Asshole....

But when you confront him about it, he want's to put the blame on my daughter and her friends!!! and my daughter knows how i am about my movies and how protective i am of them, and she knows not to do anything to them...shit, one of her movies came up missing too!!!

But i don't know what to do anymore about him, cuz its getting so fucking hard to live with him.....

But i know that pretty dam soon, mine and my daughter's room are going to have bolts and padlocks on the outside of the doors so that he can't go up in there for anything!!!

And i shouldn't have to do that inside my own house, but when you have a thief that is also a liar in your house there's no other alternative... until i kick him out...

But his string is wearing real thin right now... him being sick is the only reason why he's still in my house...

and its very, very, very, thin

On a more calmer note.... work is good.. was boring today until about 10pm when one of the tenants came down and was talking to me...then i was feeling better...

And i had gotten a call from my friend, saying that he was going to come over tonight cuz he was out this way, and i told him to call me tonight if he decided to come thru, and he didn't call.... :(

He must have figured that he wouldn't have gotten any rest at all, and he wanted to get up early for church... lol...

Because i was going to wear him ooouuutt!!! lmao!!!

Anyways...

let me get to bed, i'm tired...just got done watching that movie Pandorum, and i started watching it online (on a bootleg site) when it first came out, but the version i was watching was fuzzy and bad, so i stopped watching it... but it was pretty good... i'm going to have to go buy that... lol...

But I'm out!!!

Men are so confusing and other things...

I know its been a while since I've blogged.. and this was one of my New Year's Resolutions that i really wanted to stick to, so that i can get a lot of things off my chest..

But a lot of things have come up, with work, and home, and men, and just sleeping all the time...
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Work....

Work has been just there... i'm getting bored with it.. its an easy job, the easiest that I've had and i shouldn't complain.. but the pay sucks, i got to fight off crackheads that think i'm desperate, fight cockroaches, and clean up piss that the triflin ass mofo's do in the elevators... but with how the economy is, and there are absolutely no freaking jobs hiring here in Indiana, i'm stuck here.....

But the good thing is that the tenants are good to me, and i love all of them, and i love all the babies that are there... So that is a good thing about the job..

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Step dad.....

He's driving me up a fucking wall.... he's not helping out around the house financially like he was supposed to, with getting his s.s.i and disability, to where that means my little ass check is paying for everything up in this house and for a truck that is pimping my ass big time...

he's fucked up my truck royally by the way he drives it, and then when things go wrong with it, i'm the one who has to pay for it, and i'm not even driving it! i haven't driven my car since Halloween.. because the seat is stuck forward and up to high , (its a mechanical seat, he likes it up to the wheel and high, i need it back and low) and he's taking his sweet ass time fixing it, and I've given him money to fix it, and he's just being real slow with it, because then he has control of the car...
The exhaust is completely down on it... well, its hanging by wire clothes hangers... but if i fix it again, (which I've given him money to fix it and that's how he did it, ) he will want me to give him the money and he would claim he's fixing it right... but he wouldn't .....

But you can't tell him anything... he's let his friends live in my house, on the porch where he's always at, and i tell them i want them to go, but he still lets them stay...

Lets kids come in that he's friends with , and sit around and smoke pot, and cigarettes, but if you say something to him, he's yea, yea, and nothing gets done...

I've had movies stolen from me recently that he claims that he didn't do , and none of his friends were here, or would watch those kinda movies, (shrek 3,curious case of Benjamin buttons,harry potter, and night at the museum) so i asked him if he pawned them , or any of his friends did, and he's no... you only get a dollar for them now... okay, that's a pack of cigarettes that he don't have money for...

It's like he thinks i'm stupid or something and that i don't catch on.. if none of his friends were here to take them then he did... my daughter's mp3 went missing for a week, and we tore the house up looking for it, and when i mentioned it to him one night about it and if he seen it, he's no.. so one night i'm here on the computer, and its no where here.... why the next morning it was here at the puter????

So i'm on to his little thieving ways... and everyone keeps telling me to kick him out and i'm on the verge too, but he's sick and that's the only thing that is keeping him here...and he's been saying he's going to go into the hospital for the past month, and he hasn't and he's walking around here coughing and moaning and crying and i want to scream at him to shut the fuck up already and go in! but then I'd be shit outta luck cuz he hasn't fixed the seat yet....

so its useless...
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Men...

That guy that i was seeing in August who dumped me for his ex that left him for a shelter is single again.. they were engaged to get married, (his stupid ass) and i had stopped talking to him for like 3 months to get my feelings away from him and then when he announced that he was single again, i told him that i was sorry about it, and that i was here for him, and he contacted me 2 weeks ago, and now we're talking again.. he's trying to find a place in the city again so that he can be close to his job. but i'm going to take it slow and try not to get my feelings into him again. and i'm going to give him his "competition" that he wanted the last time that i wouldn't give him..

Because there were offers from other guys, but i just couldn't be with anyone else. i was to hooked into him. but i'm now going to give these other guys a chance cuz i'm now seeing him in a whole different light... when i wasn't talking to him i was putting him in the loser category like all the other losers i was with before in my past. i know that's not right of me to do , but its helped me get over him in some way....

But it didn't help that he came over Saturday and i finally got me some good stuff after 6 months of not being with him... but it was alllllll goooood... lol...

And then now what's really messing me up is this one guy that I've been friends with for over 10 years, is now telling me how much he" loves me", and how he's working to save money for us...

and i'm like whaaaaat????

After all these years, that i sat and told him how i felt about him, and how when his relationship with his first wife didn't work out, and he went and messed around with this other girl, who gave him shit, and told him she was pregnant...but he didn't want to be with me....

Then after he gets a divorce from his 1st wife, and two months later gets married to his 2nd wife, still wants to call me and ask me for some cooch, and i'm like ... ummm... no... get it from your wife...

So there was a few months that we were going on and off with talking and everything, and him and his wife moved into a hicks ville part of Indiana to where i don't see him and now the last two days i'm getting texts from him saying...

He loves me...
He's working his butt off to save money for me and him.
and that he's realized things in his life

So i'm like "okay, why?? why now after all these years??"

And i think the main reason why he's finally "realizing " things now is cause he just wants cooch... and that's all... cause i guess his wifey isn't giving him any, and he thinks i will... he even said that he'd divorce his wife now for me!!!


But i swear i don't understand men !!!! the one i'm dealing with now wants it only to be a booty call thing and don't want to see what he has in front of him and wants to live in the past, and now this one is now realizing shit that he should have done years ago!!!!

But he has me so messed up in my head because i don't understand where all of this is coming from.. i don't know... maybe its not for me to understand...

But let me get off this thing and go to bed.... but i'm going to try to blog more often..

So i can stay sane... lol


I'm out!!!

Laney

I'm going to snap!

As some of you all know, I've had my step dad living with me for 2 years now and its been a living hell...

My mom warned me...

But nooooooo.... me and my brother felt bad because he was in Arizona living with a friend of his and he wasn't being taken care of properly..(my step dad has cancer,lupus,and other ailments.) so me and my brother bought a bus ticket for him to come back home here to Indiana and live with me..

And i laid down some ground rules for him to follow... which were ...
1. no young boys running in and out my house.......
2. no one is to stay here unless I'm fucking them, their related, or their giving me money...
3. and at the time i had a van and he wasn't to drive it...

Well, he broke 2 of them rules already.. and now seems to run the house and i can't deal with it anymore.. he doesn't pay for shit around here except food cuz he gets stamps, but that's not enough... everything that he fixes breaks , or he rigs it to stay up.. like he has my truck...

My truck is a piece of shit.. I've only had it for 7 months and i don't get to drive it cuz he made sure that the drivers side seat cant' go back or down... when it was sticking on me the very last time i drove it on Halloween, he got it to go back and down, (its a mechanical seat) now it wont do nothing. so i gave him money to fix it and he's taking his sweet ass time fixing it. and now the passenger side is doing the same thing.... so he's done made sure that i can't ever get in my car...

And then today... he killed my fish! he changed the water in the tank, and i think he used to hot of water for them, and it stunned them. cuz they were swimming upside down and didn't want to move for anything...

here are pics of my babies...R.I.P. (hopefully they came out..first time ever uploading on here..lol) but i was so upset that they died...

So now i think if i ever get fish again, I'm going to do it when my step dad isn't here anymore...

But i think there is going to be a time very soon that I'm going to have to talk to him about finding another place to live because i can't deal with it anymore and neither can my daughter. she's having nightmare's of him choking her and everything. and that's not good... .

But any advice you can give me on how to deal with him, is greatly appreciated..

Thank you ..

Laney

New Years Resolutions for me..that I'm going to stick too..

As i sit here drinking my hot tea to get rid of my cold and eating my cinnamon bread, i sit and ponder how my life has been this past year....

It's been very stressful, depressing,slow,and just had to many down times than up....

Which is why, i'm going to be changing a lot of stuff in my life this new year that i really have to stick with so that i can have a sense of "peace" of some sort...

My first resolution is to get rid of the negativity that surrounds me.. and i hate to say that my step dad is the main thing that is really throwing out all the negativity... he bitches and complains about every little thing about my daughter, about how he's putting all his little change into the shit mobile truck i bought for gas, and his blood into that truck fixing it, yet its never fixed, and always has his hand out for me to give him money for it. and i can't deal with that anymore.. i bought the truck with my house money, and I've only driven it maybe 20, times. cuz its always breaking down...due to how he's fixing it... but when i tell him that i'm going to take it somewhere else, he refuses to let me. tells me he don't want anyone to come behind him and change how he's fixed it. some bullshit excuse.. but my mind sets off red lights thinking "okay, if he doesn't want anyone coming up behind him , then he did something wrong..."

But there is going to be a time, and its coming close, that i'm going to snap and he's not going to be here anymore...the only reason why i haven't kicked him out is cuz of him being sick.

My second resolution is to try to lose a lot of weight. I've gained so much weight it isn't funny.. every time i look in the mirror and see my chin just getting lower and lower, i start to panic.. lol..
so this year i'm going to try my hardest to stay away from the bad foods. if i can stop myself from drinking a lot of pop like i have been, i think that would be a start. and then i told my daughter that i would look into getting a membership to our local civic center that has a gym in it and we can start going there together..

My third resolution is that i want to put my life more towards God. I've been reading the bible off and on this past year and talking with a dear friend of mine at the building i work at who has been answering any of my questions that i have about the bible. because even though i have a bible for dummies version.. lol.. its still confusing to me... and then he's been wanting me to go to his church with him and his wife and I've been making excuses about going cuz at that time i didn't feel that it was time for me to go, but now i think it is.. maybe with me putting my life in God's hands things will start going in a good direction for me.

My fourth is to blog more... I've been so busy with work and things going on here at my house, that i haven't been able to blog about things cuz I've been to tired or just to irritated to write it, or mainly just didn't feel like typing it all down.. lol.. but this year, i'm going to blog more. cuz i really do have to get a lot of things off my chest, and it helps when i do blog. a lot of my good friends online do give me great advice that is very helpful to me..

My fifth is to try to find a better job. even though i have it very, very easy at the job i have now...its not paying me enough. and then i have to deal with nasty people who piss on the elevators that i have to clean up. (even though i don't have too, but i have to use them and i hate to see the tenants and the kids use it when its like that) i have to deal with roaches that terrorize me every day i'm there. i'm constantly trying to fight them off with my raid, and people laugh at me when they come in and see it on my table.. some say "wow! she has her own personal can of raid with her!" and i tell them that i wouldn't step foot in this building without it. and its true.. i will blow a fit if i don't have my raid with me, cuz they know, when i don't have it, and they come for me...

THEY COME.....lol

My sixth is to find a man... a good man... but this is really not a priority for me right now, because i'm getting to believe that all the good men live in a different state , or there just isn't anymore left.... *sigh*


But right now this is what i want to work on and there will probably be more later on after i try to accomplish these... lol..

But thanks for reading...


Eleni