Today

Well, today was a pretty good day...

I was a little irritated again, due to my stank ass sister wanting to have an attitude because i didn't call her before i got dressed for work so that she would have been on her way to come get me... she wouldn't have been ready anyways...

It really sucks depending on someone else to have to take you back and forth places because of not having a vehicle. And i want to get another one, but not at this time because of my step dad still being here and he will think he's going to drive again. So i have been waiting on getting another vehicle. And its not like i can get one now anyways, because my license is still suspended and the major reason is that i don't have any money saved up for one.. this check i get is barely paying the bills i have now...

But otherwise, besides that today was a good day. Work was okay.. all the tenants wanted to wait till today to do their dam laundry. I had 3 of them text me before i even got to work about letting them know when i get to the building so that they can be the first one in there.. lol.. so the very first person who texted me is the one i let in there first and it took her 4 hours to do her laundry! and then the other 2 after her decided to wait to do theirs so i just let the others who were waiting for a washer do theirs.. it was crazy..

So then this guy who comes in to the building named Slim came and talked with me, and we've been flirting and talking since Summer of last year, about hooking up and everything. and he's a good guy and everything, but he's a drug dealer.. was in prison for 7 years (and i know your saying to yourself " how can he be a good guy but he's a drug dealer and was in prison", how i see it is you have to do what you have to do to get money out in this economy that won't hire anyone, and have no jobs hiring, he's doing what he has to do..) but like i said, he's actually a very nice , smart guy.. and very good looking to top that.. lol..

But we were talking about getting together tonight and i told him that he needs to just come over to my house, because with it being my job i can't do anything there.. (which i have done something there before and made me very nervous and paranoid) but he talked me into it, so i put my table up and went into the break room and we were messing around. And all the while we were, i was so nervous and making excuses to stop because i kept hearing people talking in the hallway out there, and then i thought i heard keys by the door, and so it wasn't as good as it could have been if we had just waited. So after i heard the keys i got so nervous that we both didn't get to finish... so it could have been better.

But he's paranoid about coming out here to the town I'm at because the police mess with black guys for no reason he says. but i told him if you drive the speed limit and play it safe, everything will be okay. they won't bother you unless you give them cause to.. so i don't know..

But now I'm over thinking it and wondering if he was okay with it, because he did say that we would do it again, but then i don't want to do it in the break room again. because the break room was nasty... i was irked that i was bent over in the kitchen with my hands on the nasty floor with the roaches...so i really couldn't enjoy myself... lol..

And then another thing that has me worried is that he's going to go tell his guy friends that are in the building. he says that he won't. but i know that he will tell one guy. because he told me already that he's got this other guy named Mike touching me and trying to get with me (which we have before, and he sucked, but he also plays to many mind games with me. ) and that they want to do a 3 some with me, but i don't want to do it with Mike because i know how its going to be with him.. i just want to do it with Slim.

And then lately with how much I've been thinking about sex a lot because i haven't been getting any like i was, i was starting to go nuts and that is one reason why i gave in and had it with him. but then i was starting to think about not just giving it up to just anyone like that anymore, and try to be good and hold out. but I'm so weak willed. *sigh*

I've also been wanting to read my bible more and try to change my ways and live by the book. but i see right now that its going to be hard for me to do that. Especially when I'm so sex crazed. that's all i think about.. lol.. and I've been trying not too but its so hard for me. to go from getting it every day to down to nothing or once a month or more, its hard... my friend Ty is trying to talk to me about the bible and get me to read it more and change my ways. and i want to too. but i just don't understand it. I'm stupid when it comes to the Bible. i don't know...


But all in all it was a very productive day today.. lol..

And i swear people think its funny when i tell them that my body is cock blocking me... because afterwards, i went to clean myself up and i was spotting. .. O.O

I was pissed.

I know its going to be around that time for me to start my period, but it won't come down. my legs have been tense and hurting lately, but nothing has been coming down..

And after all that bending over I'm surprised my back isn't hurting... and one good thing, my legs aren't hurting anymore.. :) lol..

But I'm out!!!

Laney

Confusing Day

Today started off to be an okay day. I got up and got ready to go to work, but i was still really tired today that made me a little irritated for some reason and i don't know for what...
but it didn't help it much either when one of the maintenance so called bosses wanted to come and tell me how to do my job. On why i didn't have an ex tenant sign in. I almost snapped on him for it too.. i don't tell him how to do his job so he shouldn't tell me how to do mine. I know the ex tenant isn't going to do anything to the building and i already knew where she was going too. so he could kiss my ass.....

Other wise it was a very uneventful day until i got a phone call around 9pm from my friend Mo... and he really had me confused... telling me that he finally seen it from my point of view on how i felt when we were messing around and how i was almost "stalkerish" to the point of coming to be with him every Tuesday and Friday nights. that how i went from seeing him to back to nothing that he finally gets it.. and so he shocked me and apologized to me for not seeing it in my point of view at the time.

But what i don't understand was where it was all coming from. Part of me thinks its because he's not getting it anymore either and he's missing it. and he also went and told me that, that year was the best he's ever had. because he was getting it all the time and now he's not. and i think that is why he was telling me,because he's not getting it anymore...

But i told him that i would still be out to see him if it wasn't for me not having a car. and he also doesn't have a car either. but that is the only reason why i stopped really. because i really do still care for him a lot and would be with him in a heartbeat... even after everything that happened.

So that had me messed up for a little bit.. but i don't know....he's such a complex man.. he's a Scorpio, and in my findings of hanging around them and being with them, they are so hard headed and complex. their thinking is kind of weird... lol.. i got another friend who is a Scorpio and he's a little odd.. fine as hell, but his thinking is odd.. and he's kinda self centered.. lol..

But lately all I've been thinking about is sex... i haven't had any in about 5 months and its killing me... i had an opportunity to get some this past Tuesday and i turned it down for some reason. the guy is nice looking, has a big dick, nice body, a job, is willing to come get me, and we've been talking for over a year by texting only, but i don't know what's stopping me from getting together with him. My daughter thinks i have anxiety problems.. a phobia or something when i have to go out in public or go anywhere out of the house.. my stomach will start hurting and i wind up in the bathroom for hours ... so i think that is part of it too... but i know mainly its me being nervous of having a sexual encounter with someone new.. learning how he likes to do things and teaching him how i like things done.. so i told him that we can get together this coming up Tuesday if he wanted too, and of course he said yes... lol..

But i just got in this rut that i just want to be with a certain someone and just him. not with anyone and everyone... and i can't believe i just said that because that's how i used to be when i was in my 20's ... and didn't care as long as it was protected... and i keep telling myself that i have to get back to that way again, but then i can't. i just keep thinking that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life and i don't want that...


But i don't know.... lol... work has been slow and boring.. its been really quiet. which is good, but not as quiet as it is.... lol.. i need some excitement .. lol...

But i think I'm going to get off here and go to bed... I'm tired..

I'm out!

Laney