This April sucks..

I don't think this year is going to be any good at all. because the beginning of it really sucks...

Going thru the trouble and drama of finally getting my step dad out of my house, and having him come get his 2 boxes of belongings out of it is taking forever.. i threw out everything else of his. my porch and front closet are finally empty of his things.. now all i have to do is pull up the rugs, wash the walls, and windows, and hopefully i'll be done...

But i now have a freaking head and chest cold that decided to visit me.

The beginning of April was bad, because a friend of mine from school got raped and murdered in Gary Indiana. it was all over the news and everything. and thank GOD they found her murderer.. she was a very nice and caring woman, who was being nice and gave this man a ride home, and that's how he repaid her... the fucking monster... so I've been sad about her being gone... .

So every once in a while, i will go onto

her Face book page and tell her hello,

and that i miss her. she was a very trusting, and good soul. and i can't believe that she is gone. So its been hard trying to deal with this.

Work

Being at work is starting to get hard every day.. alot of b.s. going on and i seem to be the one to get the blame for it. i don't know if they think just because i'm security that i can be every where at once and that i'm supposed to catch everything ... i do my best to try to catch everything i can... today was a hot mess , i'm sick as hell, and then some of the kids in the building wanted to start a fight with a grown adult female across the street from the building and it was just loud and dramatic over a Facebook page that this adults daughter made of the girl in the building and starting trouble with all the kids in school and everything.. but it didn't help either that another friend of mine passed away last night.

Elaine used to be a tenant in the building and her and her husband were very good to me when i first started working there. she would always come talk to me, and bring me pops, and when we really started getting to know each other, she would bring me down plates of food. lol.. and then me and her husband are real close friends. When ever Elaine would go into the hospital, and i would ask about her, she would come home from the hospital with a gift for me, for just asking about her. and i would get Christmas gifts from them, and i would get them a gift. she was a very warm and caring person, and a very sweet friend to me, even when she knew how i liked her husband a little more than just friends. but nothing ever happened between us, because of my love for Elaine. I've gotten to know her children and grandchildren too..

Here Elaine is on the right and her daughter Tina is on the left of her. Elaine was a very beautiful woman inside and out. she was in the hospital the past couple of days and they were trying to find out what was wrong with her, but we won't know how she passed until the autopsy. But may she REST IN PEACE and we now have a beautiful angel in Heaven looking over us now. She is in no more pain...

But other than that, everything has been going okay ... me and my friend are still co habituating.. its like he's not even here. .. he comes home, goes straight upstairs to the attic where he moved his stuff, and just chills up there... sometimes i feel like i'm being ignored, and like now when i can really use him to talk too, so i can get some kinda comfort, he's upstairs i think with some female company.. some chick that he met somewhere...but she was here last night, and i don't know...

everyone else thinks its wrong that he brings other females up to my house... but i don't think i have a right to say anything to him since he is paying me a little something here and there. yea, we do have sex every once in a while, and i'm trying to tell myself that he's not having sex with them, but the other day, Wednesday, he said that he used to be a player and that he's trying not to get back into his "old ways" but by the look of how he's going, it looks like he is.. he told me the other day, that he met 5 females in one day.. one while he was driving next to her on the street!! that's crazy...

And then i don't know if he realizes that it kinda hurts me when he tells me about these chicks, because he knows how i feel about him, but he don't think it will work out because he thinks it will "ruin our friendship" .. but i do almost everything for him like we were in a relationship.. i cook on my days off for me and him, i clean the house more because of him, i do his laundry, and if he needs anything else, i get it for him... so how would us being together "ruin our friendship" but even his mother told me not to fall in love with him and told me some stuff and he also did that kinda turned me off from wanting a relationship with him.. ... then plus, he's stuck on dumb-ass with his baby's momma.. .that's all he talks about... like he's totally obsessed with her.. mad about how she did him.. which i can't blame him for being mad cuz she did and still is doing him wrong..

But i don't know.. i'm just feeling a little ignored by him that's all.. and not because of the sex, but just that he don't talk to me . here I've been sick (he doesn't know that i'm depressed cuz he doesn't know about Elaine yet) and he hasn't texted me or anything to see how I've been.. i don't know if its cuz he's so self centered or what... . i don't know...

I finally after a few years, met up Tuesday night with this guy named Fred. We met online on this bootycall site i think. and we've texted each other about getting together and stuff, but everything that was going on with my step dad and with work and other things, I've been pushing him off.... so i finally decided that i can't be doing that anymore... and i don't know if its because I've been scared to just meet new people. i don't feel like wanting to tell them about myself, or how i like things done sexually and everything and have to learn what he likes that was stopping me or what.. or me just wanting to be with the same people that i have been with... i don't know...

So everything went okay.. we went to a hotel and fucked our brains out.. plain and simple.. it was okay.. the only think i hated was that he was uncircumcised. those dicks freak me out.. toooo much excess skin... and then its just weird looking... but otherwise, he's a very handsome man, and very " worldly" because he's a musician and a music teacher. and he's in like 5 bands that do travel all over the world.. i'm going to see and try to get him to take me on a cruise.. lol.. yea right... ( a girl can dream)

Well, talking about dreaming... i'm drugged up on Nyquil, and i need to get to bed...

talk to you all laters..

Laney.

My Birthday

Well, today is my birthday..

I'm 39 years old... i feel so old... my mind doesn't actually.. in my mind i still feel like I'm 24 years old.. but my body is feeling it with me getting old.. my legs don't want to work anymore... or my back... I'm walking so slow cuz my legs hurt all the time... but i try not to think about it.

I'm just getting better.. :)

But today is just a regular day... i have to work today. and i hope that the building is nice and quiet today too.

My days off, i actually cleaned the house... Tuesday i picked up the yard. all the garbage that flew into my lawn, or was thrown back there, i had to clean. so my friend Tai who is living with me, he raked it all into piles and i picked it up.. which i blew a little fit about because he knows i can't bend over like that.. lol. i told him that he just likes to see me bend over.. he likes all of my big ass.. lol..

But i got that done and over with and now i got to call the city inspector tomorrow so that she can come and take a look at it so that i don't have to go to court for it. cuz i got a citation on it.. but I've worked with her before and she was pretty cool about it. :)

So i did that on Tuesday, and on Wednesday i finally got into that front closet and threw away all of my step dad's other stuff. my daughter's boyfriend came over and helped me do it so it went alot faster . but we found some more jewelry and my grandmother's box of silverware that she had forever that he swore was his.. and i had found some of my cd's wrapped up in his shirts that he was going to steal. so i took them back.

but now all his stuff is gone and out of my house, except for stuff that is now in my basement that i will be going thru maybe next weekend when I'm off, so that i can get all and everything of his out of my house. i have to call him to tell him to get his one box of shit that he wanted by next week too, or its going out in the trash..

Everything that he did to me, i don't care if he wants his stuff or if i throw it out,.. he stole from me for the 3 years that he was here, and didn't give a crap what he was doing...

But I'm procrastinating on calling him cuz i know that we will be fighting and i don't want to fight with him. i don't feel like it. cuz i know I'm going to curse him out and be done with him... and i don't feel like getting myself all worked up over his no good self..

My daughter comes home in May from college. and I'm going to be so glad to see her. but she's going to be giving me hell cuz she doesn't want Tai here, and i do. .he's such a wonderful man. he's my best friend, and he helps me so much around here at the house, and talking to him and just looking at him makes me feel so calm and collected. He makes me be at peace with things.
and he says that i do the same for him too.. i joke with him and tell him we should get married. lol.. but he says that he doesn't think that he will get married. he's just so stuck in the past with his baby's mama. and can't get out of it... but that's a whole other blog.. lol..

But I'm just glad that he's here, and that we're friends (and a little bit more.. ) and then too, he watches out for my house when I'm at work.. he works during the day, and i work at night. so its a good thing... and then i don't trust my house here empty cause i don't know if my step dad will try to do anything to my house, or have his little boyfriends do something to it.

But oh well... i know its protected now with him being here. ..

But i think I'm going to go to bed now, cuz i have to get up early and do my laundry for work tomorrow...

But talk to you laters...

Laney