I'm going to snap!

As some of you all know, I've had my step dad living with me for 2 years now and its been a living hell...

My mom warned me...

But nooooooo.... me and my brother felt bad because he was in Arizona living with a friend of his and he wasn't being taken care of properly..(my step dad has cancer,lupus,and other ailments.) so me and my brother bought a bus ticket for him to come back home here to Indiana and live with me..

And i laid down some ground rules for him to follow... which were ...
1. no young boys running in and out my house.......
2. no one is to stay here unless I'm fucking them, their related, or their giving me money...
3. and at the time i had a van and he wasn't to drive it...

Well, he broke 2 of them rules already.. and now seems to run the house and i can't deal with it anymore.. he doesn't pay for shit around here except food cuz he gets stamps, but that's not enough... everything that he fixes breaks , or he rigs it to stay up.. like he has my truck...

My truck is a piece of shit.. I've only had it for 7 months and i don't get to drive it cuz he made sure that the drivers side seat cant' go back or down... when it was sticking on me the very last time i drove it on Halloween, he got it to go back and down, (its a mechanical seat) now it wont do nothing. so i gave him money to fix it and he's taking his sweet ass time fixing it. and now the passenger side is doing the same thing.... so he's done made sure that i can't ever get in my car...

And then today... he killed my fish! he changed the water in the tank, and i think he used to hot of water for them, and it stunned them. cuz they were swimming upside down and didn't want to move for anything...

here are pics of my babies...R.I.P. (hopefully they came out..first time ever uploading on here..lol) but i was so upset that they died...

So now i think if i ever get fish again, I'm going to do it when my step dad isn't here anymore...

But i think there is going to be a time very soon that I'm going to have to talk to him about finding another place to live because i can't deal with it anymore and neither can my daughter. she's having nightmare's of him choking her and everything. and that's not good... .

But any advice you can give me on how to deal with him, is greatly appreciated..

Thank you ..

Laney

New Years Resolutions for me..that I'm going to stick too..

As i sit here drinking my hot tea to get rid of my cold and eating my cinnamon bread, i sit and ponder how my life has been this past year....

It's been very stressful, depressing,slow,and just had to many down times than up....

Which is why, i'm going to be changing a lot of stuff in my life this new year that i really have to stick with so that i can have a sense of "peace" of some sort...

My first resolution is to get rid of the negativity that surrounds me.. and i hate to say that my step dad is the main thing that is really throwing out all the negativity... he bitches and complains about every little thing about my daughter, about how he's putting all his little change into the shit mobile truck i bought for gas, and his blood into that truck fixing it, yet its never fixed, and always has his hand out for me to give him money for it. and i can't deal with that anymore.. i bought the truck with my house money, and I've only driven it maybe 20, times. cuz its always breaking down...due to how he's fixing it... but when i tell him that i'm going to take it somewhere else, he refuses to let me. tells me he don't want anyone to come behind him and change how he's fixed it. some bullshit excuse.. but my mind sets off red lights thinking "okay, if he doesn't want anyone coming up behind him , then he did something wrong..."

But there is going to be a time, and its coming close, that i'm going to snap and he's not going to be here anymore...the only reason why i haven't kicked him out is cuz of him being sick.

My second resolution is to try to lose a lot of weight. I've gained so much weight it isn't funny.. every time i look in the mirror and see my chin just getting lower and lower, i start to panic.. lol..
so this year i'm going to try my hardest to stay away from the bad foods. if i can stop myself from drinking a lot of pop like i have been, i think that would be a start. and then i told my daughter that i would look into getting a membership to our local civic center that has a gym in it and we can start going there together..

My third resolution is that i want to put my life more towards God. I've been reading the bible off and on this past year and talking with a dear friend of mine at the building i work at who has been answering any of my questions that i have about the bible. because even though i have a bible for dummies version.. lol.. its still confusing to me... and then he's been wanting me to go to his church with him and his wife and I've been making excuses about going cuz at that time i didn't feel that it was time for me to go, but now i think it is.. maybe with me putting my life in God's hands things will start going in a good direction for me.

My fourth is to blog more... I've been so busy with work and things going on here at my house, that i haven't been able to blog about things cuz I've been to tired or just to irritated to write it, or mainly just didn't feel like typing it all down.. lol.. but this year, i'm going to blog more. cuz i really do have to get a lot of things off my chest, and it helps when i do blog. a lot of my good friends online do give me great advice that is very helpful to me..

My fifth is to try to find a better job. even though i have it very, very easy at the job i have now...its not paying me enough. and then i have to deal with nasty people who piss on the elevators that i have to clean up. (even though i don't have too, but i have to use them and i hate to see the tenants and the kids use it when its like that) i have to deal with roaches that terrorize me every day i'm there. i'm constantly trying to fight them off with my raid, and people laugh at me when they come in and see it on my table.. some say "wow! she has her own personal can of raid with her!" and i tell them that i wouldn't step foot in this building without it. and its true.. i will blow a fit if i don't have my raid with me, cuz they know, when i don't have it, and they come for me...

THEY COME.....lol

My sixth is to find a man... a good man... but this is really not a priority for me right now, because i'm getting to believe that all the good men live in a different state , or there just isn't anymore left.... *sigh*


But right now this is what i want to work on and there will probably be more later on after i try to accomplish these... lol..

But thanks for reading...


Eleni